just got back from changi hospital after seeing marc. they took him off sedatives yesterday, but he's still unconscious. his arms and legs are strapped to the bed because he keeps having fits, which are probably due to physical pain and trauma. when i went into the room the first time last night, i nearly started crying. my mouth suddenly went dry. then i was holding his hand for a while and he started having spasms and thrashing about on the bed, and i didn't know what to do. i was so damn scared. then the machine next to him started making weird noises and his intra cranial pressure (ICP) jumped from like 24-50 and i had to run out of the room and call the nurses. if the ICP jumps too high it might cause the clot in his brain to burst, and that would be very, very bad.

i feel like crap because i only found out about his accident on monday, even though it happened on thursday night. he got hit by a taxi and he was flung off the windscreen onto the other side of the road. he had 2 blood clots- one was surgically removed successfully, but the other one's in his left cerebral hemisphere and is too close to the nerves to operate. it might affect his speech and half his body's movements. he's been in intensive care for almost a week and he still hasn't woken up yet, and he's also still on life support which, the neurologist very nicely put, is 'prolonging his life'. it hurt so much to see him like that. i was watching him throughout the visiting hours yesterday and today, so i was there when the neurologist and neurosurgeon examined him. i asked the neurologist what the chance of him having permanent brain damage was, and he said that there'd probably be some 'deficit' in his speech and co-ordination, but we won't know till he wakes up and they do a full assesment of him. basically it's like a stroke, and every moment that he's unconscious, his chances of recovery get less and less.

it's so ironic because i just started attachment at SGH neurology department, and i spent yesterday looking at other cases of brain problems, like epilepsy, stroke and dementia. which was extremely trying because the whole time i kept imagining what marc would be like and whether he'd be as bad as those people who kept having sporadic seizures. but nothing prepared me for seeing him yesterday; he's completely covered in tubes and his fits aren't even sporadic, they're continuous.

shadowing neurologists also made me realise how serious his condition is, which is highly critical to say the least. the papers reported that he was in 'stable condition', but that's bullshit- until they can take him off life support it's still touch and go. but his dad asked the neurosurgeon what his chances of 'making it' were and he said that he was quite confident since his vital signs were okay. i made his dad and sis promise to call me in case of anything, and now i keep jumping whenever my phone vibrates.

i'm so stressed and so worried, but i guess the only thing i can do for him is to pray and be there to support him as much as i can. i'm still praying that he will open his eyes and start recovering soon- if you're reading this, please say a prayer for him too. he's only 17, and he has his whole life ahead of him. please, pray.