over the past week, i've come to notice a few distinct trends here at the office. so, let's put our project work skills to good use and run a little trend analysis on the situation:

trend #1: The Hovering High-Pitched Woman

this Woman appears everytime i am in the middle of illicitly surfing the net or working on web graphics in adobe photoshop. the Woman inevitably makes some gesture of looking for the colleague behind me, who is -always- never around, and then spends a few extra minutes behind my table, furrowing her brows and presumably recovering from the shocking discovery of the colleague's absence. i know about her high-pitchedness because she always says 'where's kenneth' in her canine range before proceeding to irritate me further by looking over my shoulder to snoop on what i'm doing.

(an alternative version of The High-Pitched Woman is the Mysterious Tech Support Guy, who turns up whenever the same colleague is not around, and then annoys with a rendition of 'kenneth zai4 na2 li3' thereafter he leans on the wall of my cubicle-thingy, and gives me this imploring look, as if i'm hiding kenneth in my drawer or something)

trend analysis:
1. like, hELLo wOmAn!! all you have to do to see that mr missing colleague is not around is to LOOK from a safe distance of 20 metres, because, in case you've forgotten, we DON'T HAVE ANY DOORS around our desks! which means that he'd be visible if he was there, and if he isn't visible, then there's a good chance that he isn't there! which means you needn't waste your time walking all the way over to his table and giving me a heart attack!

2. what's up with the staring over my shoulder?? don't you KNOW that this is what interns do? they slack on the job! and that's because we're being paid approximately 5% of your monthly salary, plus we're wasting our precious school holidays away, PLUS we aren't getting any 4 months year-end bonus like you are! so sheesh man, stop looking so surprised- what else do you expect us to do? work???

trend #2: The Concurrent Cleaning of Female Toilets on All Levels

about half the time when i need to go to the toilet, i go there only to discover that it's being cleaned. but hey, that shouldn't be a problem, because this is a big building and surely there have to be toilets on other floors. so i walk to the next floor, and then the next floor, and then the next floor... and guess what?? they're ALL being cleaned!! at the SAME time!

trend analysis:
1. this has GOT to be a bloody conspiracy! why can't they just clean the toilets once a day, and not clean every floor's toilets at the same time?? i never knew they had that many janitors in the first place! and this is the government- we're supposed to be saving money here, hello???

2. how come nobody cleans the guy's toilet? come to think of it, i've ALWAYS seen the female toilet being cleaned, but NEVER the male's! what's this, gender discrimination? just because girls can't pee standing up doesn't mean that we can't aim you know? if you clean the female toilet twenty times a day and there's STILL a smell of piss coming from the corridor outside the toilets, where do you think the smell is coming from??? and i don't even have a Ph.D to know this!

would like to rant more, but the aforesaid Woman featured in trend #1 is at it again, and i don't think she'd like to see my little commentary on her.