so it's the weekend of another typical week and i have already spent most of it sleeping. because i need to rejuvinate the neurons that have been slogging away overtime from monday to friday. yes, i need to take care of myself!

spent last night adjudicating the julia gabriels secondary schools debate championships. ok not really adjudicating, but shadowing. which was just as hard work because you still have to fill out the scoresheets and discuss with the other judges and track. but i was damn happy anyway because i got assigned to an "A" div room, which means i was spared the sluggish matches that the other judges in B and C div had to put up with. and guess who were the other adjudicators in my room? david gabriel and jonathan pflug. omg; and i thought could slack! imagine filling up a scoresheet right next to someone who was ranked the top debater in the world only a few years ago. it's pressurizing!

in fact, when i saw the assignments i suddenly wished i was in a C div room, where you can like screw everyone over with 60-something scores and get away with it because nobody knows their shit either. but not in A div man. quite quickly, it occurred to me that i would have to cultivate the habit of tracking a debate, which i almost never do whenever i'm on the floor myself. because i'm too lazy. and so, i tracked. i tracked like i have never tracked in my life! and then i realized why judges say that they hate speakers who talk at bullet train speeds- it's just so damn hard to catch everything they're saying. and i also realized why guys make much more charismatic and likeable speakers than girls do- girls are so often too whiny and too... persistent. like some of them just never give up, especially when they hit a supremely idiotic point and don't know what to do with it, and just go on and on and on in the hopes of wearing the listeners out. it makes you just want to throw something at them to make them shut up. david gabriel was the worst of all the judges actually; after he judged the last debate of the night he was like 'oh, that was just awful. i was trying so hard not to fall asleep that i don't think i caught much of what she was saying'. and i was thinking to myself, so this is what the judges talk about when they leave the room and huddle together in hushed tones. and also, i can imagine how annoying -i- must be when i speak. 'tis not a good feeling, i'll say.

anyway now i know that adjudication really is very technical, and it's not as easy as just dumping a bunch of numbers onto the paper based on your instinct. like the most irritating thing is the rule about keeping the victory margin small; for the first 2 debates i started off with like 8 point differences. then i tried my best to find places to give higher marks to the losing team, and when that started taking too long, i gave up and randomly added 0.5 to some of the columns in order to narrow the mark gap =p i don't think you're supposed to do that, but whatever.

oh and i'm going to change my phone to the nokia 7260. it's the flattish one with the "S" motif snaking through the keypad, from the 'Distinctly Bold' range. (i never knew that you could be 'indistinctly' bold.) anyway i think the phone is a bit brickish, but its like an infinite improvement from the lousy one i have now, which keeps jamming when i'm typing messages. plus i think it's the nokia ad with the funkiest music yet; and possibly the funkiest nokia ad i've seen, though nokia's ads are generally uber cool most of the time anyway. i also liked the 7250 ad which was strung together by a montage of scenery and a pretty model's face, and was on the whole very aesthetically pleasing. if i ever do graphics and advertisements in the future i would kill to be employed by nokia. ohman. i think that must be like every geek's closet wish, or every closet geek's wish, whichever sounds better.

but of course, that will never happen.

valentines' day is coming, and everywhere, there's the odour of lovey-dovey couple things permeating the air. like you can't walk past a bakery without seeing some 'special valentines' day creation' or a jewellery store offering 'something meaningful for your loved one' or a restaurant promising 'an unforgettable evening'. it's sick how everybody's attached and will be spending the day engulfed in their Someone Special's arms' and/or drowning in a salivafest to mark the occassion, while the singletons like me (and here i'm tempted to say 'me and you' but that would be assuming 'you' aren't part of the offending group) have to skulk around unnoticed, unloved, and unValentined. it makes you just want to spit at the couples who trot around all smitten with each other, especially when they're hanging onto each other like they're both invertebraes unable to function as effective, independent units of society. what's next huh, will you help your Loved One breathe, too?

don't mind me; i'm just sour =p

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heh.

today's Life! section has this surprisingly frank column by karl ho, who talks about how he reacted to an invitation to attend his ex-girlfriend's wedding. it's surprising because i somehow gathered that talking about your exes is somewhat taboo in normal conversation, so most of the time you just get details of current interludes, but never of previous ones.

i'm not sure if it's just because people aren't willing to talk about their exes, but i'm more inclined to think that most people don't mind the topic and that it's actually a reaffirmation that you're over the person when you feel comfortable talking about it. it's like the way you'd talk about anything else; so why do people drop their tones when they say 'ex'. it's not as if completely eliminating it from context as a form of denial will go anywhere in obliterating it from your history; it's not as if you can psyche yourself into completely erasing it from your own memory. is it because you feel you're betraying a sort of personal intimacy that you once had with your ex? isn't it worse then to divulge information about your current stead if you're so worried about revealing what isn't yours to reveal? besides, i like to think that talking is cathartic- if you've got over the person, anecdotes can be a humorous way of confirming that the break was a good thing, and if you haven't got over it, then nothing can possibly counter the cure we know as bitching.

i mean seriously, i don't like to bitch about such matters, but sometimes you just have to you know? the situation warrants it and you have to let it rip because that's what will help you bounce back and move on.

anyway, i was wondering myself- if you feel happy when your ex makes a score in life, do you feel that as a platonic, caring friend? assuming the relationship was grounded on romantic feelings to start with, is it possible to absolutely detach these later on and separate what you felt as 'love' from 'friendship'? or is feeling happy for an ex a sign that you still harbour romantic feelings for the person and are still hovering in emotional no man's land?

i might be wrong, but i think that if you truly love a person, a part of you will never completely get over it when the relationship ends, be it for amicable or non-amicable, mutual or singular reasons. and if you do feel that you've moved on with your life, does that in any way devalue the relationship that you had at the start? does it mean that your relationship never had the sort of intensity and connection that makes other relationships endure? or is it just logical that all break-ups are the result of incompatibility, and therefore your ex does not deserve the same place in your heart as someone who is compatible and reciprocating of your feelings does?

this probably doesn't apply to everyone, but it's just something to think about. i guess maybe i'm more affected by the column because of the recent events in my personal life, but i do feel that this is an eventual dilemma that strikes everybody to a certain extent...

plus it confirms that girls aren't the only ones insecure of their feelings and actions after a break. so yeah, point to note.

and maybe, just maybe, some of us never learn from our mistakes.

just had a very unique dining experience at this russian restaurant, 6th floor of far east shopping centre. yup, i never knew there were restaurants in there either!

firstly, the food at the restaurant was pretty damn good. although i didn't really like the borsche soup with sour cream, the dinner rolls were light and fluffy, just the way bread should be. and the carpet bag steak was good too, but i don't get why they call it carpet bag. why carpet bag? is it like a carpet or is it like a bag? can't they make up their mind?? had grilled pork chops too which were really really good- not too tough and the lean meat was really lean and brown and juicy. then we had baked alaska for dessert, baked alaska being this ice-cream cake thing covered with baked cream, and then set aflame with brandy. which makes the cream on the top pretty high in alcohol content, cos most of the brandy gets absorbed there and never reaches the icecream inside. so you kinda get a rush of alcohol when you swallow the cream in one mouthful. which was what happened to my mom, and made her giggle nonstop all the way to the car. my dad and i were joking that we'd infuse her tea with brandy the next time she gets mad with us, and wait for it to work its magic. haha!

oh, anyway the food wasn't what left the biggest impression on me; it was the service. like most of the restaurant staff were in their 40s-60s, and they certainly -looked- like they'd been at it for a while. when my dad asked the waitress to change a glass of iced water to hot water, she gave him a Look and for a moment we were all afraid she'd throw the water in his face. then when this other guy was setting the table, he didn't bother to move to the other side to place the cutlery down, oh no, he just threw them right across the table! my sis and i literally had knives aimed straight at us. and then, there was the long wait for the entrees. a full HOUR and we'd only succeeded in enjoying the arrival of the soup and bread. so it's no surprise the restaurant was full. and really, the waiters and waitresses were going around like they had all the time in the world, and with black faces to boot. like my sis said, 'not happy then don't serve lah'!

also, right next to us was this table of jap tourists. it became immediately clear that they were tourists because every single one of them had a digital camcorder on his person, and insisted on recording even the most mundane of things, like the serving of the soup at the table. which became kinda irritating because there was this constant neon glare from the LCD screens going off in our faces, on top of the constant bawdy chatter. and then halfway through, disaster struck- the wrong dishes were brought to the table. instead of handling it calmly and politely, they started standing up and shouting at the waiters, which caused a huge commotion given that they were shouting in japanese and nobody knew what the hell they were talking about. in fact i suspect the orders weren't even wrong in the first place, and that they just didn't understand the menu when they were ordering. anyway, that was majorly pissing because the commotion in turn delayed -our- food trolley from making its way to our table, and also, it was highly unpleasant to say the least. finally, after a lot of "Bad! No good!" (what a shocker; i always thought bad equalled good) one of them found it in him to exclaim, 'YOU MISTAKE!' whereupon the head waiter arrived at the table and said "bad, change, change" and pushed the offending trolley away. and the japs went back to their usual loud and rowdy laughter. kinda reminded me a bit of Lost in Transition, but also forever tarnished my impression of japs. i always used to think they were refined people who liked their green tea and sushi, but now i will remember their vulgarity and brashness. i'm mean and have an inner bitch like all of us, but even for the perpetual pms of the waiters, i'd never have humiliated them in the way the jap guy did. so demeaning and so undignified. plus, it ruined the dining atmosphere of all the other patrons. how uncouth.

like i said, 'twas really a unique dining experience!

i'm feeling good now- just went to the gym! so now i feel fit as a fiddle (almost as if i could jump up and click my heels in the air) and happy too, cos i think i must have burnt like a few thousand calories today. ok, so maybe that's closer to 200, but hey, they're just little numbers!

today the girls in class were making this list of qualities that we'd like to see in guys, and after giggling through the first 4 periods of the day, filled 2 postcards and half an A4 paper. some memorable exerpts of what our dream guy would be like:

- looks good in a porsche
- looks good on a porsche
- buys me a porsche
- doesn't fart loudly
- doesn't think kiera knightley is hot
- doesn't think jennifer garner is hot
- doesn't call me fat
- is taller than me
- has a tight ass
- looks good without a shirt

of course the guys kept trying to steal a peak at the paper, but being the unfortunate XY mutations that they are, are probably still as clueless as they were at the start. us girls were joking that at our reunion 10 years down the road, we'll pass round photocopies of The List and tick off the ones that our guys have fulfilled. and whoever has the most ticks, wins!

i think i'm going to fail :(

so. the girls in class are now collectively into this new healthy lifestyle campaign- which ranges from adopting herbivorous or sandwich diets to running around the track everyday. also, it has been decided that we will alternate high-impact cardio workouts with yoga during our daily breaks. the skeptic in me says that this will never happen in a million years, and even if it does, it is unlikely to acheive the desired effect of weight loss. but alas, the sadist in me says that i should shut my trap and milk it for what it's worth, especially since i now have company to infect with the yoga obsession.

volunteered to help pack stuff for the tsunami victims at the mercy relief collection centre yesterday, and honestly, it was HUGE fun. even though we worked hard too (the girls sorting and labelling a whole classroom worth of food items, and the guys loading a few tonnes of bottled water into neat 'parking lots') i feel kinda guilty that we had so much fun at it, given the underlying sombreity of the disaster. but i should have expected- darryl, paul and markwang together make the trio from hell, and they were wreaking havoc everywhere they went. darryl especially was into his wild pig mode, tripping over a packet of crackers and then, detecting edible produce, deftly recovering to pick it up and begin eating it, without missing a single beat. he was going mad EATING the food that we were supposed to be packing for the aceh people. how disgusting! although actually most of the food stuff were 'rejects' anyway like chocolate and pringles that couldn't be sent over- but still! disgusting. i even have a few pics of darryl in motion, devouring a jumbo pack of kit kats, but i won't post it in order to preserve the vague aesthetic quality of this blog. plus, well, the rest of us did join in taking apart the seaweed and chips and packet drinks =p

then there was paulee's $5 dare- to offer a cracker from the packet we illegally swiped to the official who dropped by the centre. if i had known paulee would actually do it, i would seriously have never opened my mouth. but paulee's affinity for self-humiliation proved its superiority over darryl's and wang's, and he gamely approached the long-sleeved guy twice his weight and asked 'would you like one?'. (too bad he was rejected). me and walker laughed till we cried man! after that all four of us had to hold our stomachs because we just couldn't stop laughing at the supreme stupidity on show- paulee for having risked ultimate screwdom at the promise of five bucks, and fat official guy for not realising that there's only one place a volunteer could have gotten food from in an abandoned school being used as a collection centre for food donations. damn, it was majorly majorly hilarious!

today class was suckier though- i plotted a graph with like fifty co-ordinates during physics lab (nevermind it was chrees' results; me and my partner stupidly screwed the experiment by setting the resistor to its maximum and killed all current flow) only to realise that it produced the fugliest graph ever. like it didn't even look like a graph. so now i have to fake and replot the fifty million co-ordinates (funny how they seem to increase exponentially when you're doing it). i guess nothing good ever comes out of copying.

rushed down to see marc right after that, and he's looking a lot better! he can remember and recognize things, and move his hands and legs already. which is a vast improvement, although there's still a long way to go. his mom also revealed that she was surprisingly well informed about me, which is freaky, to say the least.

do people make events or do events make people?

you know how it is when you know you want to do something, but don't know exactly what particular type of that something you want to do?

i'll give you an example- just now i knew that i felt like playing the piano, so i went and sat in front of the keys and ran through a few pieces. but after an hour, i still didn't feel satisfied. like as if i had just started playing and was still searching for repertoire. anyway, suddenly it struck me- my fingers were itching to play chopin's nocturne in E. and i just knew that it had to be chopin's nocturne in E and nothing else that i wanted to play.

well that's the example. the rest of the story is that i realised that i couldn't find the book with chopin's nocturne in E, and that's why i have been deprived of that sense of satisfaction that should come after piano practice.

also, i want to buy these things from the nike store, but i'm not sure if the shoes will actually look stupid when worn out and i feel guilty splurging on the yoga mat:


they look like ballet shoes but have a totally normal, walkable sole. the ones they sell in sg are bronze-ish. i like how they look girly enough to wear with skirts and jeans and stuff.

flexible gym shoes made of leather. i think they look pretty posh.

the yoga/pilates mat i've been lusting over for ever and ever!!!

if only i was made of cash :(

i wonder if it is just me, or is the new RJ a lot windier than the old campus? of course this question only applies to girls, seeing that the guys don't have to suffer the same consequences of an algae flare skirt. and also guys don't notice these things. they have bad peripheral vision and poor hearing and overall lousy sensory function. except if you're talking about food, then you'll realise that guys suddenly have very acute senses of smell, and can detect anything edible from a distance of up to 5 rows in the lecture theatre. that's guys for you; no point asking them about the wind strength in school.

anyway, the thing about the wind- i think bishan is on the whole a lot better ventilated and even without aircon in our homeroom, nobody's had to take out foolscap pads to fan themselves during class like how we used to during physics tuts in the miserable half classrooms in mt sinai. at the same time, i think that now it's a little TOO windy, especially along the corridors of the school. on friday me, walker and fishie were crossing the 'forbidden corridor' outside the chem labs on level 5, when suddenly this HUGE gust of wind blew by, and walker, who was in the front, got the full blast of the wind was directed at her skirt and made a very audible "FUCK" which i'm sure everybody on the level heard. so we quickly took shelter in the alcove outside the lab doors, where all three of us were laughing like mad. it's a good thing the guys had trooped off after their communal visit to the single toilet cubicle and weren't around when the incident happened. anyway, for the rest of the day, all the girls in our class walked around with one hand bunching our skirts up in the front, hoping to prevent further ahem, unintended exposures.

i guess the wind is ok when it's blowing downskirt (ie in a direction that blows against your body) but when it's blowing upskirt, that's when walking to and fro classes becomes a test of one's ability to predict metereological changes and make the mad dash to class before the next hurricane strikes. like really, there isn't a marilyn monroe in every girl.

if only we were allowed to wear jeans to school everyday; all our problems would be solved.

i think it's obscene how rj has such a sprawling (literally) campus whilst other neighbourhood schools have to contend with little spitting pools in comparison.

and it's not like every bit of space in rj is absolutely necessary or serves a particular purpose. on the contrary really. there are so many empty and unused spaces here and there that only make the place look big and spacious, which i guess is all well and cool if you're into the whole minimalist zen-simplicity shit, but not so cool when you're the one that has to cover that distance daily just to get to some shitty tutorial session.

also, what's up with all the bridges? why can't the blocks just be like next to each other so that we don't have to do the bridge run just to get to the grandstand. we're supposed to get our exercise during PE, not -going to- PE. but i think the worst thing is that the bridges give you extra time to escape going for PE itself- so many opportunities to about turn and head for the canteen, or, if you're not for the traditional zhao technique, you can use that extra time to think up some elaborate excuse as to why you can't run 20 rounds of the track today. like first your excuse is a simple 'i'm sick', but along the way you work out all the little details of your ailment, and by the time your rep is taking attendance, you've devised a fully believable invisible foot infection complete with its own scientific name. like foccus obtusata, which i think is the name of the barnacle in our bio tutorial, but that's ok since the pe teacher obviously won't know that.

and if the bridges aren't enough motivation for you to skip your pe lesson or if like your classmate who's the pe rep emotionally blackmails you into not abandoning her, you can spend the whole walk to the track in quiet contemplation of the stupidity of your action. and by the time you reach, you'll be entirely convinced that you're about to do a very dumb thing and that makes it 10 times worse when you're actually plodding around the stupid field, because all the time you'll be thinking that you COULD have escaped when you had the chance, but no, now here you are stuck running and running unto eternity, and that your body is not liking this at all, not one bit.

so really, the detriments of the bridges!

you know what just sucks? when someone you've trusted acts like a complete jerk around you and doesn't have the decency to talk to you even though both of you obviously know that something's up and everybody else is also awkwardly alert to the tension radar.

but nevermind. guys will always be jerks and girls will, therefore, always be paranoid. but hey, i guess since you're not going to say anything, i won't either, and we can both pretend that neither of us exist and as long as we stay out of each other's way everything will be normal and everybody will be happy. cool.

i hope i don't sound too pissed? because i'm not, really. i'm just tired. tired from everything that's been happening these past weeks. it's as if every little thing is out to test my patience, and it's a good thing that i've really been into the whole mind-and-body health drive because i don't think i would be able to take so many trials on normal days.

on a lighter note, today we were lectured by audrey's math tutor- ie madam In This Case. the last time i took count, she said 'In This Case' 23 times in 5 minutes. it's like how debaters say 'ladies and gentlemen' to cover up gaps in their sentences, except this woman not only uses 'in this case' as a noun, adverb and preposition, she also uses it as a substitute for breathing. like she says 'in this case' where you'd expect a normal person to take a breath of air. obsessive compulsive, if i'd say so myself. anyway after lecture everybody was still laughing hysterically about it (everybody being the rest of the lecture group, who discovered this perplexity a rapid THREE whole lectures after it manifested itself) and as i was walking towards the canteen, i saw audrey, waved, and said really loudly, 'In This Case i'm going to the canteen now'. and who would happen to be behind me but the famous lecturer herself! damn, how i always manage to get myself into these situations is beyond me. anyway, of course me and aud took a few long seconds to get over the sheer coincidence (and stupidity) of the greeting. but chunyat later said i needn't have worried about the lecturer realising i was making fun of her, as 'no sane person would be able to say In This Case a few thousand times during a math lecture'. indeed.

i have conjunctivitis again! darryl noticed my bloodshot eyes during second period and was instigating me to pull a ma'm-my-eyes-are-so-pain-i-need-to-sleep on seah, but i figured that even with my pon power, i better not mess around with the woman. seah already thinks that i don't attend half her tutorials (even though i only skipped like a single digit number of them last year!) so if i asked to pon she'd become even more suspicious of me. she has it in for me; that i already know.

to make things worse, today was mad lecture day, and we had to endure THREE whole lectures before our 1155 break. it's a damn good thing lecs are only 50 min long now, if not i would have died from a combination of boredom and frostbite by the start of bio. to make things worse, i had to endure mark wang and darryl's CONSTANT NIAOING throughout both physics and bio lecs. they were like sitting right behind me and just kept talking and talking and talking. it's like there was NO END to their CONTINUOUS IDLE CHATTER. plus i was feeling pms-sy again today and honestly, they were testing the limits of my human tolerance! if either of you are reading this, i am extremely happy for it and hope that you attempt to shut the hell up next time.

ok, actually darryl is quite a nice guy most of the time so it really is markwang who is the ultimate instigator and is capable of nonstop talk and niaoing. you meanie! this is what happens when you try to stop people from going to church! you become meaner and meaner and meaner!

alright i think that sounded a little childish so i shall stop before my IQ degenerates into newborn territory. i think i've been extra touchy because of worry as well- marc's developed an infection in both his kidneys, which according to his dad is '300/1000' on a scale of severity. but it's still treatable at this stage, so please pray.

isn't it just awful how when you think you've gotten over someone/something, and then suddenly something falls from the sky, slaps you right in the face, and reminds you of everything you've been trying to leave behind?

i've been mulling over this blog post for over an hour now, mostly because i can't think of something to write that isn't too personal and isn't too shallow. i know that i want to write something, but i'm not sure what it is that i want to write. my feelings are in a complicated state of shitdom right now, and i've been acting like i've been having major PMS this past week, even though i really am not. which might have been TMI for some of you, but i could have done much better with a graphic description of the female menstrual cycle, couldn't i?

hmm.

yesterday i was feeling particularly jubilant after practicing the piano because i finally played through chopin's waterfall etude (which i swear really sounds like water flowing) and that is like a major accomplishment because not only is it fully made of running notes, it's also fully made of chopin's running notes. or at least i -thought- i finished playing through it. because next thing i knew, after what sounded like the proper ending to the piece, i turned the page and there were another 2 pages to go! and isn't that just how life is huh, where little bits of shit like that just unexpectedly pop up all the time and rob you of true satisfaction and fulfilment?

but then again, i guess there are tiny miracles happening every second which we don't even notice and take for granted. in fact we take our whole lives for granted, because even if we only see life as a transient contract with mortality, it's still a contract and it can still be revoked at any time. and we don't even know when or how that will happen, so it's not like how they say in books where you'll feel completely at ease when your 'given time' is up. what's your 'given time' anyway? who are we to measure the worth of one lifetime against another by an arbitrary number of years and the arbitrary deeds that happened along the way?

okay, i think i am getting a bit carried away. but 'transient contract with mortality'- damn i like that phrase.

All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the print of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.

i never thought of it that way, but mitch albom does seem to have a point. everybody has their own flaws and imperfections, and i guess it's only inadvertent and inevitable that parents imprint the defects of their own personality and the shortcomings of their lifestyles onto their offspring, and that is only just part and parcel of our human nature and the impact of our interaction with others. so, quite clearly then, the solution is to not have kids. because, if you never have kids, you will never have the chance to transfer your vices to them, and you will therefore never be responsible for ruining another human being's life, which is perhaps worse than ruining your own life, because it does not belong to you in the first place.

then again, now that i think about it, i think i'd like to have one or two kids for the kick of it, even if only for the sake of feeling what it's like to have a watery cushion attached to your torso 24/7. in some sick way, it must be cool to know that you could annihilate another human life by simply walking into wall. gives you some added responsibility and the feeling of power and whatnot. but not that i'm feeling maternal instincts now or anything, just that i think there's the possibility i might relent from my no kids policy sometime in the future. however, that doesn't mean that my overall impression of kids has changed in any way- all kids are still freaks. i know because i was one.

oh, and lest i forget- The Five People You Meet In Heaven is seriously brilliant, though i admit that it did threaten to get a bit sappy at some parts. but i thought that the sentimentality was all in good taste, and it's thought-provoking and sweet at the same time. almost inspirational, in fact. which should be enough to disgust me on most days, but like i said, mitch albom does a good job of it. really, go read it if you haven't already.

halfway through 'the 5 people you meet in heaven', and i have to say this is one cult book that really is deserving of its hype- it's simple, plain philosophy infused with heartwarming, feel-good sentiments, minus the chicken soup bullshit you get in movies which try to teach you moral values. unlike other novels which sometimes get draggy and bogged down with indulgent narrative, this one is a pleasure to read. i recommend it to everybody. really, this one is brilliant and not high-brow, so if you haven't read it- dude, you're missing out.

had the most shittifying chem prac of the entire year today (which, also being the -only- chem prac of the entire year, leaves room for further surprises later in the term) which involved continuous sampling and (you guessed it!) titration, titration, and more titration. and the solution in question was this piss-coloured concoction, which had to be carefully pipetted and transferred out of the flask every few minutes. which was a royal pain in the arse, even when ignoring the fact that an exciting 4 rounds of titration followed after that. plus, halfway through the prac i discovered mysterious dark blotches on my papers, which were like blue-black and most unaesthetically splattered all over the tutorial and prac notes which i had left on my bench. they HAD to have been made by some bumbling asshole who was passing by with starch indicator, had a quick accident at my bench, and conveniently scrammed after that. because i know for sure i had NO starch indicator on the bench, and the blue-black blotches could only have been made by that. after that, while trying to conduct damage control, me and lab partner colin discovered that the taps at our bench weren't working either, and when turned on full blast, issued pathetic trickles of water like something peeing into a urinal. and then of course came the great screw up with the titration readings, which resulted in colin and me getting a graph which shot up exponentially from the origin. yes, 'tis all in a days work.

and so i have to remind myself: one week down! one week down!

only 39 left to go, and then some, ho hum.

the only perk was that i managed to escape today's 'superlegs' PE, and missed out on an invigorating workout session, involving the girls running about 3K of the track, stopping every 200m to do circuit training like crunches, push-ups, lunges, etc. in any case i really have been sick for like the longest time, and i wouldn't want to jeopardise my early stages of recovery with overly strenuous exercise, would i? that would only be terribly stupid, no?

pilates and yoga exercises have been satisfactory this week, and since they're supposed to be good for my back as well, i will step up my resolve to practice them religiously everyday. that, and also the challenge by darryl and markwang to 'unhybridize' my '6 pack' should be sufficient motivation to help me at least keep to one of my new year's resolutions, i hope!

cheers to a stress-free weekend!

so i'm on Day Four already of the new school term, and i'm seeing the beginnings of a routine for a monotonous year ahead. school admin has wisened up to our 'but the lecture ended late and we had to walk all the way to the lab' excuse and marked out 10 minute breaks in between successive periods. which means that we will now be unable to arrive halfway into chem tutorial and blame it on heavy human traffic between venues. which means that we get to soak in the full benefits of tutorial sessions for FIFTY WHOLE MINUTES, which i swear is more than any normal human being should ever be subject to in his/her life, especially if it's a physics tutorial at 8.05 in the morning, where any normal human being would still be in a state of semi-slumber.

the 10 minute break actually seemed rather attractive at first, but then when you rationalize how you managed a 10 minute break -anyway- last year (self-instructed or otherwise) and how it saps up a good one hour of your life on long days, which could be better spent on meaningful activity such as sleeping and watching TV, you kinda realise that you've been somewhat shortchanged. and it's worse now, with the new campus, which is so big that 10 minutes isn't enough to steal a quick break to the canteen, and it's too long to let your braincells stagnate continuously in an empty classroom. besides, i was really looking forward to using the 'but i couldn't find my way' excuse for the first month or so. i have been cheated and i don't like it one bit!

had a really long talk with joseph during our long break on tuesday, which i thought could have gone on forever if not for the relentless wind that kept threatening to uncover a comprimising position involving my algae rj skirt.. we were standing at the railing outside our homeroom and having a really fun, yet meaningful conversation, but kept being interrupted by bobo, who found it his duty to remind us that we were 'talking for damn long' and that it was curious why we didn't want to 'go inside and stop talking'. i used to think that all guys were insensitive, unsentimental freaks of nature, but now i'm beginning to realise that most guys have a caring, sweet side to them that comes out only when they're in intimate company with someone they either love or trust very much; it's just the crowd mentality that morphs them into grade A assholes most of the time. i was telling josie that i hated rj because it made nice people come off as superficial acquaintances in cutthroat competition, but josie reminded me that it's probably like that in most jcs anyway, and that you -can- find the one or two gems of friends if you bother to look for them. and i guess he's right; it's the one or two special somebodies who make the whole trek worth your while, even if you'll only enjoy their company for 2 years before an inevitable parting. also, if josie is any gauge of the normal guy, then i have realised that guys look for fun and excitement in a relationship until they're 50, thereafter they treasure steadiness and security as they're on the threshold of heart attacks and can't get much out of even the best sex anyway. which makes a bit of sense, though i think it's unfair that the age probably drops from 50 to 40 from a women's perspective on the issue in most cases, no?

Looking now, out
My window
Baby stars glitter clutter
Nightsky. Constellations are out
And about, i can't tell which is which.
You were the expert,
I can only admire.

I remember how moonlight used to sing
Shimmer, subject
To your fantasies, your flattery, which was
The blush upon a maiden's cheek, how
You waxed lyrical.
It was the moonlight you loved,
Now it only drenches.

The velveteen drape, overnight momento
Post-it on the prime of passion.
Like little reminders they chorus
When we were very happy
Your laughter merged with mine
Your eyes mingled with mine
Your hand resting with mine
And we were very happy.

Now it is only my laughter that rings,
My eyes that see,
And my hand that rests on yours.

so school has started. obviously i'm not ecstatic about waking up at 6 everyday, but i can't say that the days have been incredibly shitty either. SO FAR, i mean. we all know that the shit will pile up faster than you imagine, and then before you know it, it'll be up to your nose and you'll just be eating, breathing, and swimming in shit. and there'll be nothing you can do then but try to surface for air every few days. eternal optimist, that's me.

the new rj is bigger than i thought it'd be, and i must say that it's a pleasant change to actually have classrooms with proper tables now, and labs where half the bench doesn't come off on your hand when you touch it. other than that, i think the new school reeks of cold concrete walls, so unlike how a real school should feel like. i still think NY and maybe chinese high (minus the freaks in shorts) are the nicest school buildings around. so much for the snotty elitist rafflesian empire.

woke up at 430 this morning because i accidentally set my alarm an hour early, and only realised that after i had fully sprung out of bed and brushed my teeth. what a bummer. so i spent the next hour doing yoga and pilates, and as a result felt superbly refreshed, revitalised and awake right through my breakfast and shower. then i got into the car and everything went downhill- i fell asleep and never quite got out of that.

if there's anything to be happy about, it looks like my resolution to do yoga everyday is actually working out. and i have decided that the fundamental difference between yoga and pilates is that yoga is about stretching, while pilates is about strength. so that's one of the great mysteries of the universe sorted out, just a few more to go. maybe one day i might become a yoga instructor- i think that would be uber uber cool. i can't even imagine how it'd be like to feel fit every single day of your life!

the reason i haven't posted for a while is because i've been terribly sick.

first, it started with a sore throat. then, i got a 39 degree fever (believe me, the headache from that was a real bitch) and lost my voice. next, i got a cough and nose malfunction. which means that my nose refused to behave like a normal nose, stopped smelling altogether, and required a tissue to be physically attached to it full-time. the cough also aggravated the ulcer in my mouth, which mushroomed to engulf almost one quarter of my mouth. and just last night, i developed conjunctivitis, and have had sore, red eyes, and yellow pus spilling, no, pouring, out of it ever since. this morning i couldn't even open them cos they were caked with a layer of hardened yellow pus. it is the most disgusting thing ever.

it's like i've become a walking germ culture overnight. i knew that my body would object to going back to school, but this, this is too much! it's like the whole world is conspiring to prevent me from enjoying the festivities (read: eating festive junk food).

anyway there's not much to do but sit around and whine, so whine i shall. i am pretty much resigned to the fact that i am going to be in this gross, disgusting state for the next week or so, and i won't even be surprised if tomorrow i wake up with some other sick development, like maybe a nose bleed or some other ailment.

there, i said it. so all i have to do now is sit back and wait for it to happen.

oh, before i forget, my new year resolutions for 2005:

1. i will meditate and practice yoga every night, even if i'm dead tired and it's like 3 a.m. (IT'S MY OWN BLOODY FAULT FOR STARTING WORK SO LATE)

2. i will be less vulgar- i will apologise everytime i use the F-word, and use shit/asshole/bloody/bitch sparingly.

3. i will not snack on junk food after dinner!

4. i will go to the gym 3 times a week.

5. i will stop being paranoid about small matters and worrying compulsively about things that i can't change.

6. i will stop buying useless stuff which i don't need so that i don't have to feel guilty afterwards.

7. i will remember to take vitamin C everyday

8. i will do ALL my math tutorials (except the challenging questions and the optional sections).

9. i will remember to put my school badge and hair ties in the SAME PLACE everyday so that i don't have to frantically search for them in the morning.

10. i will not be a grouch in the morning.

i know i'm being a bit unrealistic, but hey, i'm sick. so if i look back at this and discover that i haven't kept to a single one of them, at least i have an excuse. haha.