isn't it just awful how when you think you've gotten over someone/something, and then suddenly something falls from the sky, slaps you right in the face, and reminds you of everything you've been trying to leave behind?

i've been mulling over this blog post for over an hour now, mostly because i can't think of something to write that isn't too personal and isn't too shallow. i know that i want to write something, but i'm not sure what it is that i want to write. my feelings are in a complicated state of shitdom right now, and i've been acting like i've been having major PMS this past week, even though i really am not. which might have been TMI for some of you, but i could have done much better with a graphic description of the female menstrual cycle, couldn't i?

hmm.

yesterday i was feeling particularly jubilant after practicing the piano because i finally played through chopin's waterfall etude (which i swear really sounds like water flowing) and that is like a major accomplishment because not only is it fully made of running notes, it's also fully made of chopin's running notes. or at least i -thought- i finished playing through it. because next thing i knew, after what sounded like the proper ending to the piece, i turned the page and there were another 2 pages to go! and isn't that just how life is huh, where little bits of shit like that just unexpectedly pop up all the time and rob you of true satisfaction and fulfilment?

but then again, i guess there are tiny miracles happening every second which we don't even notice and take for granted. in fact we take our whole lives for granted, because even if we only see life as a transient contract with mortality, it's still a contract and it can still be revoked at any time. and we don't even know when or how that will happen, so it's not like how they say in books where you'll feel completely at ease when your 'given time' is up. what's your 'given time' anyway? who are we to measure the worth of one lifetime against another by an arbitrary number of years and the arbitrary deeds that happened along the way?

okay, i think i am getting a bit carried away. but 'transient contract with mortality'- damn i like that phrase.