today's Life! section has this surprisingly frank column by karl ho, who talks about how he reacted to an invitation to attend his ex-girlfriend's wedding. it's surprising because i somehow gathered that talking about your exes is somewhat taboo in normal conversation, so most of the time you just get details of current interludes, but never of previous ones.

i'm not sure if it's just because people aren't willing to talk about their exes, but i'm more inclined to think that most people don't mind the topic and that it's actually a reaffirmation that you're over the person when you feel comfortable talking about it. it's like the way you'd talk about anything else; so why do people drop their tones when they say 'ex'. it's not as if completely eliminating it from context as a form of denial will go anywhere in obliterating it from your history; it's not as if you can psyche yourself into completely erasing it from your own memory. is it because you feel you're betraying a sort of personal intimacy that you once had with your ex? isn't it worse then to divulge information about your current stead if you're so worried about revealing what isn't yours to reveal? besides, i like to think that talking is cathartic- if you've got over the person, anecdotes can be a humorous way of confirming that the break was a good thing, and if you haven't got over it, then nothing can possibly counter the cure we know as bitching.

i mean seriously, i don't like to bitch about such matters, but sometimes you just have to you know? the situation warrants it and you have to let it rip because that's what will help you bounce back and move on.

anyway, i was wondering myself- if you feel happy when your ex makes a score in life, do you feel that as a platonic, caring friend? assuming the relationship was grounded on romantic feelings to start with, is it possible to absolutely detach these later on and separate what you felt as 'love' from 'friendship'? or is feeling happy for an ex a sign that you still harbour romantic feelings for the person and are still hovering in emotional no man's land?

i might be wrong, but i think that if you truly love a person, a part of you will never completely get over it when the relationship ends, be it for amicable or non-amicable, mutual or singular reasons. and if you do feel that you've moved on with your life, does that in any way devalue the relationship that you had at the start? does it mean that your relationship never had the sort of intensity and connection that makes other relationships endure? or is it just logical that all break-ups are the result of incompatibility, and therefore your ex does not deserve the same place in your heart as someone who is compatible and reciprocating of your feelings does?

this probably doesn't apply to everyone, but it's just something to think about. i guess maybe i'm more affected by the column because of the recent events in my personal life, but i do feel that this is an eventual dilemma that strikes everybody to a certain extent...

plus it confirms that girls aren't the only ones insecure of their feelings and actions after a break. so yeah, point to note.

and maybe, just maybe, some of us never learn from our mistakes.