hello, i'm in a particularly crappified mood now, which is partly due to school and partly due to a general feeling of pms. it doesn't help that i've been having this strong sense of deja vu involving somebody telling me how to read body language, and for the life of me i can't figure out where or when i've seen that scene before. few things can be more frustrating than knowing that you know something, but not being able to recall it when you want to.

also, i have been rethinking a few things:

1. on the makeshift dream analysis i posted the other day on me dreaming that a fountain of pineapple tarts and cream puffs appeared in my living room- i think that if i were to strictly stick to freud's pyschoanalysis, then it would follow that the dream, on a deeper level, signifies some form of sexual neurosis. this can be anything within a range of sexual insecurites and abberations, but the most striking conclusion is that: i actually really -do- want to eat the whole overflowing fountain of pineapple tarts in one sitting, but because i convince myself that i don't because i don't want to become obese, as this might prevent me from fulfilling my true sexual aims (in the future, if i might add :p)because presumably less people want to have sex with an obese partner. again, that's based on freud's assumption that everybody has sexual aims which they must strive to fulfil. which now that i've said it, actually sounds quite ridiculous no? so maybe freud is wrong after all. maybe there are just some things which can't be related to sex.

2. on my plan to exercise and be active on a regular basis. so far i think this is the only resolution i've managed to keep up with till now. others, like my resolve not to eat chocolate, have backfired, and as a result i have been having the grossest complexion ever in the history of my life. plus there's the whole caffeine thing, which is not working out at all. anyway, at least i've been keeping up with my yoga/gym/swimming sessions. although yesterday i again failed at getting a tan even though i swam when the water was practically lukewarm with the overhead sun. and so i have concluded that i am probably meant to stay pale like tofu for the rest of my life.

3. i want to be an investment banker. i've got it all planned out- i'll take people's money, invest it, wait for the stocks to go up, then sell them and run off with my commission. then i'll use those profits to invest in my own stocks, and become a millionaire when i'm 25. so, even if my husband refuses to buy me a porsche, he can go screw himself. (haha, this time the phrase 'screw himself' actually fits a literal context) either way, i'll become rich fast and then i'll quit while i'm still on top. and then i'll spend the rest of my life establishing myself as a fashion designer and opening my megamall with audrey and mandy. my mall will have continuous shopping space- there will be none of those troublesome doors and walls that take up precious shopping time. instead, it will just be football fields upon football fields of unobstructed shopping. and it'll be organized in a variety of different ways, so that you can go to one section and find racks upon racks of black straight-cut pants or another section with green sleeveless cotton shirts, just like the way any obsessive compulsive would like it to be. neurotics like me will be able to go there when they're depressed, and then kickstart their lives again without so much as a shot of prozac. laugh all you want, but 20 years down the road when my empire crushes all those useless stores like taka and metro which don't even COLOUR CODE their merchandise, you'll remember that you read all about it here first!