my problem is: i need a perfect boyfriend. i have decided that everything that is going wrong in my life now is due to my lack of a male partner. but because bad things are reversible and temporary, this inadequacy shall not be for long. my perfect boyfriend shall be someone i can have deep, intellectual conversations with, understands why yoga and pilates are superior to jogging, is himself a semi-exercise freak who subtlely conceals rippling biceps and washboard abs under an amazing intellect, knows when to leave me alone and knows when i need to talk, and doesn't ditch me for a slew of his other moronic guy friends as and when he feels like it. also, one day when we are pondering the great mysteries of the universe, this perfect boyfriend of mine will get down on his knees, take out 5 carat diamond ring, and tell me that he never wants to be away for me and doesn't even mind if i don't want to have kids. and then he will present me with a set of car keys, and take me to a hot red porsche that's parked a few metres away. that, my dear friends, would be the perfect boyfriend.

and, of course, he will arrive with a ribbon around his head on my doorstep one day, and say, 'sorry it took so long, i got lost'. and i'll say, 'it's ok, don't do that again'. and that will be the start of more good things to come, if ya know what i mean ;)

yes.

well on hindsight i guess the whole engagement process bit might be a little off, but i think that otherwise my standard for the perfect guy is quite accurate. like i don't want some dumb jock or square nerd running around with his arm around my waist. because in that case i might as well go lesbian altogether, and pick from the most eligible of the smart and sexy chicks. i know we all have to make do with what we can get, but not to such extremes, yeah?

oh and i had the weirdest dream last night. i dreamt that as i was coming down the stairs one morning, i saw this huge indoor fountain in the centre of the living room. except it wasn't really a fountain of water. it was a fountain of pineapple tarts and cream puffs. and then my dad came into the room and started saying that he brought the fountain back from the office and that we'd have to eat quickly because the pineapple tarts wouldn't keep long.

now, going by freud's method of psychoanalysis, this dream is actually a fulfilment of my personal wishes. except a fountain of pineapple tarts and cream puffs in my living room isn't exactly my personal wish. although i like pineapple tarts, i don't think i'd want a huge overflowing fountain of them, much less want to eat them at one go. and secondly, i don't like cream puffs, because the cream tastes so much of egg and egg is my most hated food. so this doesn't quite make sense. the past few nights i've been trying to keep track of my dreams and psychoanalyse them, and they all sorta fit in roughly the whole wish-fulfilment hypothesis. maybe i should dig deeper into this one. or maybe i should finish up the pineapple tarts downstairs.

on a closing note, notice how i have put aside all self-denial to begin this post with 'my problem is'. this means that i know i have a problem and i'm not afraid to admit it. unfortunately i don't think this works all the time, especially not when you are a physics tutor who also says 'my problem is' and continues it with 'i don't have much time', and use it as an excuse as to why you are unable to mark a single one of your students' practicals before sending them off to take their A-levels.

it is not my fault i used a heater and a rheostat for thursday's skill A. whoever is the jerk who first speculated that it'd be the heat loss-paraffin experiment should DIE.