if you're wondering why i'm up at this ungodly hour in the morning, it's because yesterday i piggyfied and slept till 1 in the afternoon, waking up practically only for breakfast and lunch and then retreating under my blanket to continue the siesta. which is why i'm sort of in hyperactive mode right now and compulsively tapping away at keyboard; either that or my body just got bored of sleeping. i don't understand why people say that the best way to diet without feeling hungry is to go to sleep! am i the only person who can wake up at like 3 or 4 in the morning and determine that it's because of an unfulfilled craving to finish the box of oreos that's sitting around helplessly in the kitchen? (although my all time favourite midnight comfort food is cereal and milk because it reminds me of the times when i was a kid and used to get such a kick from pouring spoonfulls of sugar over my cereal when my mom wasn't looking) and i know that it's really unhealthy and all because it makes the fats congeal in your toes or something, but isn't it the best feeling in the world to go to sleep on a full stomach right after you've had a really heavy meal? it's like once you lie down, your hands have such a comfy little place to rest themselves on your nice round tummy. and then when you wake up, you feel rejuvinated and lighter because hey, while you were sleeping the food suddenly just melted away! and now you're all rested and fresh and ready to conquer the world :)

in fact just thinking of that makes me happy!

actually i slept kinda early last night because it was yakky's surprise birthday party yesterday, so i was quite tired when i got back because i spent most of the time hovering around the barbeque pit helping to nurture the satay and chicken wings. the thing about barbeques is that you hardly get to eat any food which tastes the way it should, and plus there's always the dirt factor of reusing the same tongs and skewers for all breeds of cooked and uncooked food, which is really quite disgusting on its own and even more so if you're a hygeine freak like i am. anyway the best thing to do during a barbeque is to keep an eye on the food so that you'll know which pieces were victims of unfortunate sweat/blood/unwashed skewer incidents and, more importantly, you'll have first access to the really juicy satays or whatever. but anyway after a while all the food at barbeque tastes the same, which is probably no thanks to the fact that you just dump the fresh meat onto the same carbon-ridden spot on the grill which the previous ten chicken wings occupied, and so everything just soaks up the same oil and the taste mingles together. which is quite gross yes but this is a barbeque and everybody expects a bit of food poisoning the day after.

anyway it's good that joseph's party was a success because i think most of us owe quite a percentage of our grades to last-minute mugging of yakky's tutorials and lec notes, so at least we got to do something in return by helping out with the party :p and of course most of us got dunked and *cough* betrayed our allies- i was just helplessly standing around watching someone else get dunked and thinking thank gosh that's not me when suddenly the girls had sneaked up from behind, each grabbing an arm or leg, ran to the pool and just swung me in! and this was despite all my screaming and kicking and punching- so who says girls are less violent than guys?! anyway heee i claimed my own unsuspecting victim after that so 'twas not for naught that i got wet. next time i shall ensure that i plant my bum on a chair the whole time, and better yet, always keep my hands clutched around a plate of food as hostage material.

but for now, i hear cereal and milk calling my name, so we know what has to be done! =D

and omg i can't believe i almost forgot this one!

today, as part of the school's noble plan to educate us to be thinkers leaders and pioneers, our class was given the privillege of attending a learning journey to singapore's largest brewery. that's right, we got to visit a fucking beer factory on the one day we actually get a break from studying for exams. how fucking fun, don't you think?

and once we get to the godforsaken place in the outskirts of nowhere, we get treated to a lengthy hour long lecture on how beer is made. see, the thing is that we've actually just studied the beer making process for our biotech paper, and being the kiasu jc students that we are, have memorised it right down to how the yeast strand of saccharomyces carlsbergenesis is used to ferment lager beer at 4-9 degrees celsius, so the last thing we need on our day out is to listen to some guy with UBE qualifications- which by the way stands for 'unqualified but experienced'; gosh what a witty contraction- treating us like a bunch of preschool kids trying to learn the alphabet.

to add to this, i also have the joy of certain classmates who, for some unfathomable reason, feel compelled to ask questions at every possible opportunity. it's like the moment the tutor/lecturer pauses from his speech to inhale fresh air, they feel this uncontrollable urge to shoot their hands up in the air and vocalise the first coherent thought which they can string together. 'ooh look, i'm a moron and i need to ask some really stupid question which nobody else gives a damn about! and if i don't, i might have a muscular spasm and die now!' it's like some bloody obsessive disorder which you have to be a real freak to be afflicted with. maybe they're afraid that if someone doesn't spoonfeed them with every chickenshit of information they can possibly listen to in their lifetimes, something which they haven't been taught might come out in the exam, and heaven forbid they have to use their little morsels of brains to actually think for themselves! i hate people who ask questions on useless things; it's just a waste of everybody's life.

plus, to complete the celebrations, we get brought to this 'tavern' (ooh wow what a cool name for prefurbished room in the middle of an industrial complex) where we're told that some of us are underaged and therefore we're all not allowed to drink beer. so what do we get instead? good old tap water! not that i really missed the beer of course, since i think that for that buck you might as well drink champaigne which at least isn't made from rotting horlicks and is a hell lot classier, but the fact is that we travelled halfway across the island and wasted a perfectly good morning just so that we could drink tap water. and it's not like the tour was even interesting because all we got to do was pay 5 bucks to look at a mile of big grey tanks which, for all we knew, could have been housing half the world's nuclear stockpiles. why, why???

now that i have irrevocably screwed my prelims, the latest annoyance in my life is my web browser which has suddenly started speaking chinese. i don't speak it; i don't understand why my bloody computer has to. as maintained earlier, i hate technology because it always finds a way to screw up on you. i have no idea why all my web apps are running on chinese and i swear i didn't attempt to make any fancy adjustments which could have accidentally altered the default language or anything. all i know is that all the fucking words in the boxes are now in chinese, and thanks to this bit of programming genius, i just clicked the 'clear post' instead of 'publish post' button at the bottom of this page and lost my previous blog entry. which really pisses me off because how the fuck am i supposed to know what 'publish post' translates to in chinese? this, i say, is cruel.

anyway, the end of prelims means that there's only one thing left to look forward to, and that's the A levels! in fact i feel so deprived now that i actually wonder what having a social life will be like, or learning how to enjoy shopping and movies again. i guess in the larger scheme of things i'll probably look back at this phase and think damn i was whiny, but hey when you're actually laboriously chugging through stacks of half-completed/undone/nonexistent tutorials everyday and forcing yourself to soak in knowledge as if your brain is a spongebobsquarepants, who's to say that you're a compulsive complainer? in fact, the aforementioned task is so formidable that the same courtesy ought to be extended to those of us who merely envision it. after all, i'm sure you've heard the saying it's all in the mind!

oh and yes i believe mark couldn't have put it better when he said that "the A levels are a collection of every fucking useless thing that can be found on the face of the earth". like, just imagine how knowing the derivation to Kepler's third law of gravitation would enhance your sex life! oops, did i just say that? what i really mean is that learning about the theories of electric currents and physical chemistry and human biology is a waste of time because what we really need are practicals!

as you can see, i think i have a while to go before my transition into *ahem*scholarmode is complete.

or then again, maybe it is, because what we don't know about these scholars is that underneath their androgenous glasses-and-geeks guise, they all harbour secret fetishes and closet libidos. and, given their advantage of having constant close access to each other's living quarters, they actually get it on more than most of us, which is how they manage to pull off their studiousness with such chaste and cunning, since all -energies- have already been spent on the real thing. yes and this is such a deeply disturbing and disgusting thought that i'm going to stand in the corner now and pretend it never crossed my mind or that i published it here on my blog where i hope it has traumatised everyone who's read it.

-covers her ears and jumps up and down in an attempt to erase the last memory-

and, apart from that, nothing else has been of much interest except that i played a really great game of floorball yesterday after bio paper. and even though i ended up with a really huge purplish bruise at the base of my neck thanks to some over-vigorous (and most rambunctious!) play, i have to say the physical activity was really invigorating! in fact 'twas not only good exercise, but also an excellent release of all the pent up stress from studying (or failing which, pretending to study) so hard these past few weeks.

teehee, what a way to end prelims with a BANG, wot :)

Q: What's the dumbest thing you can do in a biology prelim paper?

a) not read the instructions which tell you, specifically, that you are to answer two essays in the essay section
b) spend a good half hour or so brainstorming on all the essay questions so that you'll know which one you have the most to write for
c) proceed to, slowly and meticulously, write ONE out of the five essay plans which you've created
d) not realise that everybody around you is frantically writing till their hands fall off, and instead contentedly think that you're raping the paper good and proper
e) think that when the invigilator says "tie both essays separately", what he REALLY means is "tie both PARTS of your ONE essay separately".

no prizes for guessing what big major blunder i made with my bio paper 3! as you can see a major OH FUCK ensued after it actually dawned on me that everybody was handing in TWO essays. and to make things better, being the 2nd last person in the row, i even got the honour of collecting the essays from eveybody. it's like HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF ANYTHING AS STUPID???? and there i was thinking i had so bloody much time, never once wondering WHY the paper seemed so easy even though hey the last time i had to bullshit to save my life i actually had to rush through it.

anyway, i've decided that that will be remedied. the solution to getting an A after leaving 20% of your main paper blank is simple: get full marks for the rest! and so, that's just what i plan to do. i'm going to get full marks for papers 1 & 2, and this this will be possible because:

1) i'm fucking pissed
2) i can't believe i'm such a moron
3) i will study every damn shit in the notes, including all the seemingly useless Did You Know? bits because we all know that what you don't know always comes back and bites you in the ass
4) i will utilise my shortterm photographic memory to cheapskatedly memorise every damn page, so that i can quote word for word if need be and rape the markers at their own game
5) i can survive without sleep because i've discovered this new panadol formula which contains pseudoephedrine, a drug which causes sleeplessness on some occasions but constant hyperactivity when taken by a highly stressed bimbo
6) if pseudoephedrine (which is safe and approved, by the way) doesn't work, then i'll continue eating chewy bars and ice cream and drinking 3-in-1 coffee every half hour, and this will keep me awake because it's hard to fall asleep when constantly moving your mouth

something tells me that i might have to eat my words, but for now i'm content entertaining my badly bruised ego. plus, i think i really should get down to embarking on my grand plan, so adios for now! all i need is a bit of muggerisomerase and i'll be transformed into a 4A machine, hah =D

it's the first day of the holidays!

well actually it's only a holiday for smart people who get 4As all the time, while those of us who have a few OOOFs under the belt need to start pulling up our socks. oh and while we're at it, i don't get why they call it 'pulling up your socks'. which retard pulls up his socks? if they're high enough to be comfortably pulled up, then you'll probably end up looking like some jappo schoolgirl freak if you keep going at it, and if they've already been drowned in your shoes then why not just take the friggin sock off and walk around barefoot? and what if you're like a slippers person and don't wear any socks? does that mean you're inherently disadvantaged from the start?

now i know why i keep doing so badly; i'm a slippers person!

What did the potato chip say to the battery?

If you're EverReady, i'm Frito Lay!

--
this is of course not a particular reference to any state of things.