Q: What's the dumbest thing you can do in a biology prelim paper?

a) not read the instructions which tell you, specifically, that you are to answer two essays in the essay section
b) spend a good half hour or so brainstorming on all the essay questions so that you'll know which one you have the most to write for
c) proceed to, slowly and meticulously, write ONE out of the five essay plans which you've created
d) not realise that everybody around you is frantically writing till their hands fall off, and instead contentedly think that you're raping the paper good and proper
e) think that when the invigilator says "tie both essays separately", what he REALLY means is "tie both PARTS of your ONE essay separately".

no prizes for guessing what big major blunder i made with my bio paper 3! as you can see a major OH FUCK ensued after it actually dawned on me that everybody was handing in TWO essays. and to make things better, being the 2nd last person in the row, i even got the honour of collecting the essays from eveybody. it's like HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF ANYTHING AS STUPID???? and there i was thinking i had so bloody much time, never once wondering WHY the paper seemed so easy even though hey the last time i had to bullshit to save my life i actually had to rush through it.

anyway, i've decided that that will be remedied. the solution to getting an A after leaving 20% of your main paper blank is simple: get full marks for the rest! and so, that's just what i plan to do. i'm going to get full marks for papers 1 & 2, and this this will be possible because:

1) i'm fucking pissed
2) i can't believe i'm such a moron
3) i will study every damn shit in the notes, including all the seemingly useless Did You Know? bits because we all know that what you don't know always comes back and bites you in the ass
4) i will utilise my shortterm photographic memory to cheapskatedly memorise every damn page, so that i can quote word for word if need be and rape the markers at their own game
5) i can survive without sleep because i've discovered this new panadol formula which contains pseudoephedrine, a drug which causes sleeplessness on some occasions but constant hyperactivity when taken by a highly stressed bimbo
6) if pseudoephedrine (which is safe and approved, by the way) doesn't work, then i'll continue eating chewy bars and ice cream and drinking 3-in-1 coffee every half hour, and this will keep me awake because it's hard to fall asleep when constantly moving your mouth

something tells me that i might have to eat my words, but for now i'm content entertaining my badly bruised ego. plus, i think i really should get down to embarking on my grand plan, so adios for now! all i need is a bit of muggerisomerase and i'll be transformed into a 4A machine, hah =D