now that the As loom dangerously near in the horizon, i find that my life consists of only a few things: studying, sleeping, eating, phonecalls, pilates and TV. and the ironic thing is that i guess this is probably the most carefree and simple it'll be for a very long time. perhaps till i'm like old and retired and senile and rotting at home. as you can see, i am a blatant ageist and deserve to be slapped with 3 months of jail, hurrhurr.

anyway my favourite reality show these days is The Apprentice, because donald trump is so bootyliciously hunky and i have the hots for him! no, seriously. apart from donald though, the next hottest person in the show has got to be Alex Thomason, whom trump fired in the last episode :( this, in my experienced and pragmatic opinion, was a huge mistake because all the rest of the contestants are ugly and we all know donald will never get any of them to run his business. you see, alex has the generic Apprentice look which all the previous winners have:


there we go, clean-cut, geeky, and definitely looking worse in a suit than he does in the buff.

instead, trump decided that mega-bitch tana, who by the way owns a fashion company but dresses like a chinese tuition teacher, speaks like a real dumb blonde, and is old and ugly, would be a better candidate. well, i hate to break this to you donald, but nobody watches your show to catch glimpses of tana emerging to answer early morning phonecalls in a towel. (now you know what i mean about alex having the apprentice look?) however, it could have been worse though, because either tana or craig (the guy with the afro and, hmm, that's about it really) could have won. the good news is that he wisened up and picked kendra, who's clearly the smartest and most deserving of the 3 of them. the bad news is that kendra has this habit of jutting her neck out and blinking compulsively whenever she's talking to the camera, which can get kinda irritating after 17 episodes. which brings us to the next observation:


Can You Spot The Odd One Out?


season 1 and 2 winners: bill rancic on the left, kelly perdew on the right.
and guess which one's kendra!

see what i was saying about alex being the perfect apprentice??? i've watched so much reality TV, people should trust me on these things.

last peeve of the day!

happened to catch just a quick peek at America's Next Top Model cycle 4 finale, and as usual, tyra banks picked the uglier one.

here's naima:

looking like one of peter pan's Lost Boys

and this is me! ... i mean, here's kahlen:

so chio omg!

no prizes for guessing who won. the only redeeming thing about naima is that, even though her ears stick out at 90 degree angles from her face and she looks like a deer caught in the headlights in every single one of her photoshoots, she's actually a dancer who had originally planned to move to new york to become a professional ballerina. which i guess means she has real talent, although, it's possible that i'm just jealous that i'm not tall and covergirl-ish with an uber skinny body but anatomically impossible big boobs.

hurrhurr!

so you know sometimes when you wake up in the morning you just feel sorta heavy and your eyelids feel sorta puffy and your whole body seems kinda off balance? then when you walk over to the sink to brush your teeth, you raise your arm to get the toothpaste and guess what! there's like this fold of underarm flab that wiggles right back at you in the mirror. or sometimes, what you get is like this bright red protrusion in the middle of your forehead, which, you hope and pray, is probably some mosquito bite which will go away by lunch, but deep down, you know that it's really some avalanche of a pimple that's waiting to spill out and spew pus all over your face. and that's when you know that today is going to be a fat day.

i'm sure everyone has had a fat day before. i mean, you don't have to feel fat for it to be a fat day, although i'm quite sure this is another given since nobody i know actually wakes up feeling thin. a fat day can be any day as long as you wake up feeling shitty and generally disgusted with yourself. sometimes i feel so grossed out with myself that i want to crawl into a hole and count backwards from one thousand; that's what i call an ultrafat day. anyway, i've compiled a list of stuff which helps you feel a bit better on fat days, as follows!

Things Which Make You Feel Better When You Wake Up On A Fat Day:

1. Go back to sleep. this always works; if not when you wake up it won't be day anymore and you would have gotten rid of your fat day anyway.
2. Take a hot bath with a fruity smelling bath lotion.
3. Stretch for a good 15 minutes.
4. Wash your face twice and then proceed to cover every single pore of your face with pimple cream. sometimes it helps to use moisturizer after.
5. Do 500 crunches and continue till you can't feel your stomach.
6. Eat ice cream!
7. Drink really hot, strong green tea without sugar.
8. Wax/shave your legs. i swear, this is cathartic although it's also meant to apply to girls only.
9. Listen to happy music like Toploader's Dancing in the Moonlight
10. Watch half a season of Friends. look out for the fat monica episodes!

oh, and contrary to what i might have posted earlier, when you're having a fat day you should avoid chocolate at all costs. now that i'm like a few months older and wiser i've realised that when you binge on chocolate you feel really pleased with yourself, but once the aphrodisiac effect wears off you'll almost always start imagining oil dripping from your pores and start feeling really sore-throaty and heaty! and then what started as a fat day rapidly degenerates to an ultrafat day. and then the only solution to that is to eat more chocolate, which means that you'll have no voice the next day and you'll have to put up with people asking why a nuclear power plant suddenly exploded on your face. or maybe that just happens to me, hmmm, i wonder...

now that i've been making one honourary appearance in school every week for the past couple of weeks, it strikes me how useless school really is. when i don't go to school, i sleep for half the day and still cover more that i would in like a whole week of tutorials. i'm guessing this has something to do with me having ADHD, but nonetheless there are so many benefits from not going to school-

1. you can wake up any time you want
2. you can take naps on a proper bed instead of perched awkwardly atop an LT table
3. you aren't in danger of being poisoned by canteen food
4. you have access to real coffee
5. you don't have to wash your hair for 3 days and nobody will know
6. in fact, you don't even have to change your clothes!
7. you save like an hour travelling to and fro
8. nobody makes fun of your pimple plantation


ok so now that i've revealed the fact that i don't wash my hair everyday i'm guessing you think i'm some kinda sick freak but hey i'm sure everybody has their own disgusting personal habits and what's the difference between not washing hair and biting your fingernails huh? anyway, as a clarification, i think i've only done no. 5 like less than 10 times in my life and on normal days i wash my hair straight after pilates because my hair touches the floor and i'm very particular about bringing floor dirt onto my pillow. because that's where my head goes and i don't want to be breathing in the same shit that i was walking on a few hours ago. so, if 5 or 6 didn't disgust you, i hope -that- did =D have a nice day!

just to emphasise that blogging about teachers isn't always malicious, here are a few profound quotes from our favourite physics tutor that surely constitute public entertainment:

on our prelim results:
"some of you will be happy, some of you will be disappointed. some of you will change from happy to sad, and, vice versa".


when checking our tutorials (which obviously isn't much of a job):
"it seems to me that only some of you have done your work. or, only a few of you have."


when motivating us to study for our Science Practical Assesment:
"if you have got a 7 or an 8 on this test, it means that it is a 7 or an 8. if you have got a 5 or a 6, it means that you haven't got a 7 or an 8."


when explaining simple harmonic motion based on the oscillation of a string:
"i don't really know why the string moves".


delivering a key point during his tutorial on analogue electronics:
"so listen up. there are several levels of light intensity in a lamp. there is dim, dimmer, and very dim."


addressing the half of us who haven't fallen asleep during the first period of the day:
"you guys are honestly the most boring class i have. i don't know why but our lessons are always slow and boring".


there's more but i need some time to remember!

is it just me or does anybody else not get why there's suddenly this big deal about blogging and defamation??

as a rational person, i say we should give these kids a break. unless they post naked pictures of themselves on their blogs, it's highly unlikely that they're getting more than 100 hits a day, and then it's even more highly unlikely that the people who read their blogs are actually going to take what they say seriously. i mean, you'd have to be a real retard to believe everything you read on someone's online diary, won't you? and this is even more so if you don't know the blogger personally and just happened to get linked there- it's not like you're likely to know who he/she is talking about. and if you do know the blogger and her subject, then chances are that you're in contact with her in real life and so you've probably already heard whatever she's blogged about in person. (and probably feel the same way too).

from another perspective though, i'd say that the people who are suing for defamation have to be really self-righteous to believe that they absolutely do not deserve the comments posted about them, and big-headed to think that there's actually someone out there who gives a shit about them and what some stupid schoolgirl has to say. seriously, who cares? and if someone's going to devote a few hours of her life tapping away insults about you and your family, then it's quite possible that you don't have much of a reputation to begin with, so why bother taking out a whole lawsuit against a kid who's just having a normal childish rant which she'll probably think better of in a few months? it's not like you can sue someone for saying fuck your mother to your face, can you?

sometimes the irony of the situation astounds me- so like now, who's being petty and childish?