the other day i was reading the Mind Your Body supplement which comes with the papers every wednesday, and this teenage girl was asking what she could do to improve her boobs and whether it was abnormal to not have huge boobs. in case you think you know where this is leading to, i am NOT talking about myself. i swear!

anyway the Mind Your Body consultant gave like this pagelong reply to the poor girl's queries, which really made me wonder what kind of perverts we have running our press. because i've been reading that column for over a year, and i happen to know that even stuff like colorectal cancer and spinal fractures only get responses that are one-third a page long, max. i guess this is logical because we all know you're better off with a terminal disease than small boobs.

so what i was really interested in posting about was how the doctor suggested that "one way to increase the size of your breasts is to actually gain weight". really! i'd like to think that you could eat your way to a better figure, but experience tells me that this never happens. i'm not sure if maybe i'm like the only loser with a defective anatomy or something, but i tend to notice that when you put on weight, the first place it shows up in is your face, then your hips, then your butt and legs, arms, and stomach. and then after all these radical transformations take place to make you look more attractive, maybe a gram or two of fat will deposit itself in the area around your boobs. which won't be noticeable because people will be too busy telling you that you look "more healthy" and "radiant" and "well fed".

so much for eating to get bigger boobs.

oh and if you're a chem student you'd have learnt about transition metals and how 4s electron orbitals get filled before 3d orbitals, but also lose electrons first during ionisation. well, it's the exact opposite with weight gain- the boobs grow last and get lost first. and i remember my sec2 science teacher saying something about how adipose tissue always gets burnt from non-vital areas first, so i know i'm not talking rubbish.

3 papers to freedom!