one thing i've realised about medical attachments is that they always significantly increase my hypochondriac tendencies. after spending the day at the glaucoma screening centre, i became convinced that i was going blind. after looking at images of detached retinas, i became convinced that i was seeing floaters and halos like all the patients with macular degeneration. with myopia of around 800, (which by the way is considered severe) it is clear that my retinas are in huge danger.

and, this is in addition to the multitudes of other conditions i have already self-diagnosed, such as ADHD, OCD, bipolar disorder (all courtesy of some online quiz, possibly emode) and also chronic insomnia, cyclic migraines, hormonal imbalances and heart palpitations. yesterday i tried to read an ECG and i am now convinced that my heart problems extend beyond mere palpitations, and, each have clinical names too! such as sinus arrhythmia which is when you observe a variation exceeding 10% in each cardiac cycle. my oxygen levels are not too good too, which i know because on wednesday the eye centre nurse hooked me up to an osimeter and it showed that i am only getting 94% of the oxygen i am supposed to be getting. (in fact at one stage i noticed that the number was only 84%, which made me panic and gasp, and consequently brought the level back up to 96%.) she attributed it to me being cold, which was when i noticed that my fingernails were in fact purple. and i wasn't wearing nail polish! surely this is not normal. this made me also remember that i tend to get very cold hands and cold feet especially when i'm in cold places, and again this is indicative of a blood circulation disorder which is bad news for my heart. on top of this i also have flat feet and weak ankles, so i am not well equipped to run away from impending danger. cumulatively, this means that my darwinian fitness is being greatly reduced. it confirms what i have predicted for a long time already: i am definitely going to die young.

thinking of all these problems makes me quite nervous, which is no surprise because i rank on the high end of the "are you a worrier?" quiz. why am i so dysfunctional?! and the more i think about it the more i remember other problems, such as certain tingling sensations in my fingers from time to time which point to neurological disorders. together with my naturally high-strung personality and heart palpitations, i am an excellent candidate for stroke. plus, this certainly confirms that i have OCD.

:( :( :(

the past week has been a tiring, albeit pretty slack one. i've been attached to the national eye centre, and i can now say with conviction that dealing with eyes all day is definitely NOT my kind of thing. at first i thought it'd be cushy compared to like oncology or neurology but after seeing a few trauma patients and some horrific images of abnormal eyeballs, i beg to differ. i even thought that being around patients complaining of eye problems would minimise the chance of getting any infectious disease from them, but having spent the past 2 days with a full blown flu, i know i was totally wrong about the whole opthamology thing. i am so stupid i can't even believe it.

anyway, to make things worse, today i had my law interview. which was great because i was having the worst fucking migraine of my life, and everytime i moved my head i felt like projectile vomitting. and every sound or smell or light that i sensed intensified this onethousandfold, so i was in a very bad state indeed. in fact i could feel the puke more than halfway up my windpipe the whole day, and the nauseating sensation of wanting to puke but not quite being able to is one of the grossest feelings ever. i think possibly only chronic constipation comes close in the stakes of annoying non-fatal symptoms, but then again i am glad i don't have much experience there!

besides this, my life is boring and i am a loser. i realised this painful truth when one of the eye surgeons asked me if i am "prepared to make sacrifices". and then he went on and on about how he missed out getting drunk with his friends and hanging out at parties and having a social life when he was an MO. and all the time i was staring at him with this incredulous expression on my face thinking, 'hello do i look like i even have a social life to begin with?'. then of course there's the second thing which his talk exposed, and that is how doctors think they're so damn noble. they think they're like virgin marys walking the earth. i mean, all he does is save a few eyes every month, so what qualifies -him- to talk about sacrifice?! practically every single doctor i've spoken to since i made up my stubborn mind about medicine has tried to discourage me with the hardships that preceeded their collection of ferraris. they should know they're not talking to a noob here- I WATCH GREY'S ANATOMY! enough already with the holier-than-thou attitudes.

to lessen the impact of me not having much of a life, i have decided that i need a few things: a new laptop, handphone, driving license, and SHOES. the only problem with the laptop and handphone is that my coaching pay is like five million years overdue so i currently do not have the resources that i need. the problem with the driving license is that my test is on july7 and i'll probably fail the first few which means that i'll go blind before i'm allowed on the roads. -legally- allowed on the roads of course. and the problem with the shoes is... well there isn't a problem with shoes. because lesson #1 is that you can never have enough shoes, and so is lesson #2 and #3 and #4 and #5 unto infinity.

the only glitch with shoes is that most shoes are for admiring and not wearing; inevitably any pair that looks nice on the shelf will be hell on your toes. and this is just something which i have come to accept despite me having fully trained myself with 3 inch heels over the past few years. all i have to do is slap on a pair of court shoes and i'll be hobbling about as if i've never used my legs in my life. i don't get it! court shoes are the most painful contraptions ever and most of the time they don't even look nice. people say pain is the price you have to pay for vanity, but in this case being vain isn't even part of the equation which really makes you wonder why court shoes are still around at all.

awwww for that little uncharacteristically sweet post...

anyhow, yesterday i spent the morning with my JC kids prepping for their tournament on saturday. we did some gruelling style training, including practicing how to pronounce the letters 'S', 'R', and 'V'. i feel like quite a failure in life, because as of today i am still unable to roll my Rs. maybe i my tongue is too short or something...

after that, the parents took us for seafood at Long Beach restaurant. the prawns and crabs and fish are kept in these tanks right beside the dining area, so you know that what you're eating is really fresh. the only problem was that i was seated facing this tank full of GEODUCKS. for the uninformed, geoducks have nothing to do with geography or ducks. in fact, they are a type of clam, and also happen to be highly phallic in appearance. so imagine having to eat an entire lunch with a tank full of them right in front of your face- i was like OMG HOW CAN SUCH THINGS EXIST???? be warned, the link above is not for the squeamish!

following that i met mark at the glass house for a second lunch. coincidentally, or perhaps, expectedly, my appetite was only slightly abated, so i had some shrimp pasta salad thing and mark attempted to convince me that absolut raspberry is only 2% alcohol. i do not fall for all of his tricks!

alrighty, the mom is bugging me to get moving soon, so more later and happy easter all!

yesterday and today have so far been rather nice days. the boyfriend's been out and we've been spending some quality time catching up and doing lovey coupley things :) :) we might have little tiffs now and again, but to be sure these are tiny next to the many happier ones we have. my world might be almost crashing down on me and i might be on the brink of a nervous breakdown, but when i first see him after a long while of missing him, i somehow feel this sense of calmness and that everything will be okay. and that's how i know that i'll be spending the next week missing him again.

apologies for the vagueness of the last post. to clarify, i won a million bucks in the mail and bought a porsche, so i was very happy indeed. ah, i exaggerate. what actually happened was that someone was out from confinement AND i discovered that not only has he not withered to ethiopian proportions, but on the contrary his physique appears quite improved! so it looks like i will have to withdraw some of my complaints about ocs then. if all we have to do is send our boyfriends away for a few weeks to get back decidedly hotter specimens in return, then it sounds like a good service to me ;)

except, if i had the choice, i would probably not send him away again. i am weak; i falter!

anyway, just had the firefly interview exercise. it was a full day thing and hence, has sapped me mentally dry.

will need sustenance if i am to stay alive for american idol!

i was wrong; there are many reasons to look forward to the weekend after all ;)

today is friday, which means that the weekend is now upon us. saying that, i have realised that since my life now consists of nothing more strenuous than shopping and debate coaching now and again, i have not much reason to look forward to weekends anymore. which is a bit of a sad thought, because for the past 12 years weekends have been the highlight of my week. it's a bit irrational i know, but don't tell me you rationalise when you feel sad after your favourite TV show ends or you finish eating some really orgasmic chocolate?

just met up with kitson and rui at the glass house, and for practically 80% of our meal there was this live band playing within 3 metres of us. it was the most shittifying fish & co experience ever. the band was so insistent on turning all of us deaf that the singer kept singing at the top of his voice and the guitarist's amp was maxed- not good when they both could not keep in key to save their lives. it's like everytime the singer couldn't hit a note, the guitarist would just change key. and then he would strum an awful jarring wrong note at what would normally have been the nicest part of the chorus, WITHOUT FAIL. and to cap things off, they systematically desecrated my favourite songs: best i've ever had, sway, supernova, yellow... i was just waiting for them to announce that they would next be playing drops of jupiter, but thankfully we got away before that happened. so at least it wasn't a COMPLETE devastation.

anyway this time me and rui ganged up on mr symes- we told the waitress that he was "horace" and it was his birthday today! so, in the true tradition of fish & co, he was brought this stupid sparkler and made to stand on a chair while the waitresses sang happy birthday to horace. hahaha i was laughing my ass off the whole time! eventually he got a free ice cream and sweet, so he shouldn't complain.

more later!

right, i'm up watching the arsenal vs juventus match now, and it's beginning to look like it's going to be another goal-less night again. not that i'm complaining; if arsenal wins on aggregate then i'll still get to see more of thierry henry and freddie ljungberg in the semis. it's just that when you get up around 3 in the morning to watch a match you kinda wish sometimes that they'll just start scoring already so that you won't feel as if you've wasted your time and your sleep. on the upside though, i love being awake at this time of the day- it's like the whole house is quiet and it's just me and my snacks and my TV, and the three of us make quite a good trio we do!

oh, and i almost forgot- my april fools' successes!

1. the psc psychometric test

me: hi, i understand you applied for a scholarship at psc?
classmate D: (eagerly) yes, yes
me: because you're in NS we thought it's best that we try to reach you on a weekend. i'd just like to take a few minutes of your time to conduct a quick psychometric test on the phone if that's ok with you?
classmate D: sure, no problem
me: ... do you use vulgarities when you are angry?
classmate D: no
me: never?
classmate D: yes, i never use vulgarities.
me: ... can i enquire about your sexual preference?
classmate D: sorry?
me: i mean, do you have any inclinations towards your male friends?
classmate D: huh? sorry? what?
me: do you have any feelings towards guys?
classmate D: no
me: none at all?
classmate D: no
me: so is it right to say that you are attracted to females then?
classmate D: um, yes
me: what about female pornography then, are you attracted to it?
classmate D: no (oh reaaaaaally!)
me: do you mean to say you are attracted to females but you never read pornography?
classmate D: yes
me: are you sure?
classmate D: yes, yes.

and the best part is, when feifei called him an hour later he fell for the EXACT same trick, and even gave her his IC number when she asked for it! HAHA.

2. the radio casting

me: hi, i'm calling from mediacorp radio and i'm doing some casting for a new radio programme which we are going to air soon... would you be interested in auditioning for this role?
classmate E: sure!
me: ok, i just need you to say one line and try to inject some personality into it. like maybe make it bubbly or sexy or seductive you know? ok, so when you're ready, just say "Hi, I'm [name] and I want you to watch my show"
classmate E: "Hi, I'm [name] and I want you to watch my show"
me: ok, that's good, but maybe this time we can try it with a little more sexiness? like maybe something like "Hi, I'm [name] and I want you to watch my show"
classmate E: sorry, but i don't do sexy.
me: (disappointed) not at all?
classmate E: no, i'm sorry, i'm not really into that kinda thing.
me: alright then, how about a bit more eagerness and enthusiasm? just try again?
classmate E: ok. "Hi, I'm [name] and I want you to watch my show"...

needless to say, she went mad when she found out who i was! but no harm done; she's tried to play lots of practical jokes on me before so she deserves this.

3. the sperm donation drive

me: Hi, I'm calling from the Ministry of Health.
classmate Y: what?
me: actually, we're currently running this fertility drive to help couples who have problems conceiving children. what we're doing is trying to get donations for our sperm bank so that we can match these couples with donors, and help them have children. we understand you're in NS and we think you'd be a suitable donor.
classmate Y: yes, i am in NS...
me: would you be agreeable to make a contribution to our sperm bank then?
classmate Y: when do i have to make this decision by?
me: (choking) you mean you would be agreeable to this?
classmate Y: yes, but when do i have to decide?
me: you can take your time!(!!!!!) but do you have any reservations to this? or any queries i can help to address?
classmate Y: actually no
me: you're completely agreeable then?
classmate Y: yes i'm completely agreeable

OMG. there are some things about classmates which i don't ever need to know, and i think their eagerness to donate sperm is one of them. motivated though by this positive response, i decided to call another classmate.

me: Hi, I'm calling from the Ministry of Health and we're currently running this fertility drive to help couples who have problems conceiving children. what we're doing is trying to get donations for our sperm bank so that we can match these couples with donors, and help them have children. we understand you're in NS and we think you'd be a suitable donor.
classmate M: sorry, did you say Ministry of Health and sperm bank?
me: yes i did. we're wondering if you'd be agreeable to make a contribution to our sperm bank?
classmate M: no i don't think so
me: may i ask what your reservations are? perhaps i can help address them? by the way, i'd just like to assure you that the entire procedure will be very private and your identity will be kept anonymous if you like, so you needn't worry.
classmate M: um.... i'm just not comfortable with this kind of thing
me: you're not comfortable with donating your sperm? (oh, but why!)
classmate M: yes i'm not very comfortable with it

HAHA. i actually must say i was relieved that at least one of my friends would think twice before rushing to help spawn offspring. nevertheless, the entire thing was quite amusing to say the least! the only problem is that now i have them and quite a few others ready to kill me, so i'm guessing i'll be lying low for the next coupla weeks or so....

so, visiting day was on sunday. first you see all these big muscly macho boys marching about in their silly camo outfits, and then, you see their mommies just a few steps behind lugging BAGS UPON BAGS of biscuits and instant noodles and toilet paper and you're like, these are the boys who are defending our nation!

anyway, for a brief teenybopper moment now- i have to update my celeb crush list!

1. criss angel. previously i used to be put off by him because he reminded me too much of marilyn manson, and then there's his psychotic trailers where he's not wearing a shirt and it's too bad but criss just does not look good shirtless in those trailers! he does however, look good shirtless at other times. not that i was looking of course, i just happened to notice. anyway, criss looks way better without his drag queen makeup when he's explaining how he was actually quite scared that he would die doing his stunt. because that's when he's all humble and down to earth and when he looks at the camera, it looks like he's really talking to -you-. and his voice has this slight spaced-out-yet-mature-and-brooding quality to it, and did i say that he looks like he's really talking to -you- when he looks at the camera? and i know this must sound pretty stupid but i just found out that he's thirty nine; i somehow always thought he was much older! thirty nine!! that's like only two decades older than me!

2. jon bon jovi. yesterday i watched jon on oprah and i had one of those special -moments- where i just stared at the TV with my mouth sorta half opened and with a little dazed expression on my face. if the ceiling had collapsed on me then i would probably have noticed maybe ten minutes later. did you know jon bought a football team and does charity regularly at a children's home in philadelphia??? and have you SEEN him recently??? i mean i always loved his songs plus i've been hearing mark sing various renditions of aaaaalwaaaaaays quite a bit recently but you know me, i'm quite slow with these things.

on a side note, i seem to be liking older men these days, which is a bit disturbing. then again, i'm sure we all go through our little phases and at least mine isn't about cocaine or some other life-threatening hobby...

3. ace young. this one doesn't really count because it was quite short lived. actually it only lasted one episode- the one where he sang in the still of the night and did his sexy, soulful, looking into the camera trick that he always does whenever he screws up and needs to get people to vote for him. but this time i admit i fell for it a bit and became a bit of a mindless prepubescent ace supporter. (don't judge me; i am SURE there is a bit of a mindless prebuscent teenybopper in all of us) anyway this promptly died by the next episode when he sang drops of jupiter by train, which is possibly my favourite song of all time, and he TOTALLY MASSACRED it! hello he couldn't even get the WORDS right and we're not even talking about a friggin medicine dictionary! it's just drops of jupiter, which happens to be one of the best songs ever written and EVERYBODY should have the lyrics ingrained in them from birth. certainly, this is travesty blasphemy disgrace!

finally- driving! having been quite lazy the past few months, i've only just started going for more regular lessons, and i am finally getting the hang of the clutch and the whole manual car thing. the other day it stormed and i could hardly see the cars on the road and i was so scared i didn't even have brain space to screw up by stalling the car, and, surprisingly, it was one of the best lessons i've ever had. not so good, however, was the other time when i was stuck in a jam and a bit low on caffeine. so when the car in front inched forward a bit, i was in the midst of falling asleep, and let go of the accelerator a bit too much. next thing i know, the instructor had slammed the handbrake down and was going ballistic on me. turns out i was 1 cm away from the car in front, and would have totally crashed if not for her emergency brake. that was quite scary yes, and it did the job of waking me up a bit for the rest of the ride. anyway, today i was doing perpendicular parking and steering in reverse is a bit trickier than it looks. it kinda goes against whatever little psychomotor logic i have, and we're not talking about a big quantity here. when you want to reverse to the right, you kinda have an instinct which says turn the wheel anticlockwise to the left, tracing the motion of the back wheels. but instead you're supposed to turn the steering wheel to the right! which explains why everytime i try to park it begins with me turning in the wrong direction and then frantically swinging the wheel back in the other direction as fast as my hands can go...

9.01 pm update: i've just watched idol and i totally forgive ace! despite the theme being country music he was SMOLDERING. in fact he only went off key a few times at the start, which is better than many other of the contestants fared. so we all know what that means- another happy celebrity crushee restored safely to my list!