one thing i've realised about medical attachments is that they always significantly increase my hypochondriac tendencies. after spending the day at the glaucoma screening centre, i became convinced that i was going blind. after looking at images of detached retinas, i became convinced that i was seeing floaters and halos like all the patients with macular degeneration. with myopia of around 800, (which by the way is considered severe) it is clear that my retinas are in huge danger.

and, this is in addition to the multitudes of other conditions i have already self-diagnosed, such as ADHD, OCD, bipolar disorder (all courtesy of some online quiz, possibly emode) and also chronic insomnia, cyclic migraines, hormonal imbalances and heart palpitations. yesterday i tried to read an ECG and i am now convinced that my heart problems extend beyond mere palpitations, and, each have clinical names too! such as sinus arrhythmia which is when you observe a variation exceeding 10% in each cardiac cycle. my oxygen levels are not too good too, which i know because on wednesday the eye centre nurse hooked me up to an osimeter and it showed that i am only getting 94% of the oxygen i am supposed to be getting. (in fact at one stage i noticed that the number was only 84%, which made me panic and gasp, and consequently brought the level back up to 96%.) she attributed it to me being cold, which was when i noticed that my fingernails were in fact purple. and i wasn't wearing nail polish! surely this is not normal. this made me also remember that i tend to get very cold hands and cold feet especially when i'm in cold places, and again this is indicative of a blood circulation disorder which is bad news for my heart. on top of this i also have flat feet and weak ankles, so i am not well equipped to run away from impending danger. cumulatively, this means that my darwinian fitness is being greatly reduced. it confirms what i have predicted for a long time already: i am definitely going to die young.

thinking of all these problems makes me quite nervous, which is no surprise because i rank on the high end of the "are you a worrier?" quiz. why am i so dysfunctional?! and the more i think about it the more i remember other problems, such as certain tingling sensations in my fingers from time to time which point to neurological disorders. together with my naturally high-strung personality and heart palpitations, i am an excellent candidate for stroke. plus, this certainly confirms that i have OCD.

:( :( :(