right, i'm up watching the arsenal vs juventus match now, and it's beginning to look like it's going to be another goal-less night again. not that i'm complaining; if arsenal wins on aggregate then i'll still get to see more of thierry henry and freddie ljungberg in the semis. it's just that when you get up around 3 in the morning to watch a match you kinda wish sometimes that they'll just start scoring already so that you won't feel as if you've wasted your time and your sleep. on the upside though, i love being awake at this time of the day- it's like the whole house is quiet and it's just me and my snacks and my TV, and the three of us make quite a good trio we do!

oh, and i almost forgot- my april fools' successes!

1. the psc psychometric test

me: hi, i understand you applied for a scholarship at psc?
classmate D: (eagerly) yes, yes
me: because you're in NS we thought it's best that we try to reach you on a weekend. i'd just like to take a few minutes of your time to conduct a quick psychometric test on the phone if that's ok with you?
classmate D: sure, no problem
me: ... do you use vulgarities when you are angry?
classmate D: no
me: never?
classmate D: yes, i never use vulgarities.
me: ... can i enquire about your sexual preference?
classmate D: sorry?
me: i mean, do you have any inclinations towards your male friends?
classmate D: huh? sorry? what?
me: do you have any feelings towards guys?
classmate D: no
me: none at all?
classmate D: no
me: so is it right to say that you are attracted to females then?
classmate D: um, yes
me: what about female pornography then, are you attracted to it?
classmate D: no (oh reaaaaaally!)
me: do you mean to say you are attracted to females but you never read pornography?
classmate D: yes
me: are you sure?
classmate D: yes, yes.

and the best part is, when feifei called him an hour later he fell for the EXACT same trick, and even gave her his IC number when she asked for it! HAHA.

2. the radio casting

me: hi, i'm calling from mediacorp radio and i'm doing some casting for a new radio programme which we are going to air soon... would you be interested in auditioning for this role?
classmate E: sure!
me: ok, i just need you to say one line and try to inject some personality into it. like maybe make it bubbly or sexy or seductive you know? ok, so when you're ready, just say "Hi, I'm [name] and I want you to watch my show"
classmate E: "Hi, I'm [name] and I want you to watch my show"
me: ok, that's good, but maybe this time we can try it with a little more sexiness? like maybe something like "Hi, I'm [name] and I want you to watch my show"
classmate E: sorry, but i don't do sexy.
me: (disappointed) not at all?
classmate E: no, i'm sorry, i'm not really into that kinda thing.
me: alright then, how about a bit more eagerness and enthusiasm? just try again?
classmate E: ok. "Hi, I'm [name] and I want you to watch my show"...

needless to say, she went mad when she found out who i was! but no harm done; she's tried to play lots of practical jokes on me before so she deserves this.

3. the sperm donation drive

me: Hi, I'm calling from the Ministry of Health.
classmate Y: what?
me: actually, we're currently running this fertility drive to help couples who have problems conceiving children. what we're doing is trying to get donations for our sperm bank so that we can match these couples with donors, and help them have children. we understand you're in NS and we think you'd be a suitable donor.
classmate Y: yes, i am in NS...
me: would you be agreeable to make a contribution to our sperm bank then?
classmate Y: when do i have to make this decision by?
me: (choking) you mean you would be agreeable to this?
classmate Y: yes, but when do i have to decide?
me: you can take your time!(!!!!!) but do you have any reservations to this? or any queries i can help to address?
classmate Y: actually no
me: you're completely agreeable then?
classmate Y: yes i'm completely agreeable

OMG. there are some things about classmates which i don't ever need to know, and i think their eagerness to donate sperm is one of them. motivated though by this positive response, i decided to call another classmate.

me: Hi, I'm calling from the Ministry of Health and we're currently running this fertility drive to help couples who have problems conceiving children. what we're doing is trying to get donations for our sperm bank so that we can match these couples with donors, and help them have children. we understand you're in NS and we think you'd be a suitable donor.
classmate M: sorry, did you say Ministry of Health and sperm bank?
me: yes i did. we're wondering if you'd be agreeable to make a contribution to our sperm bank?
classmate M: no i don't think so
me: may i ask what your reservations are? perhaps i can help address them? by the way, i'd just like to assure you that the entire procedure will be very private and your identity will be kept anonymous if you like, so you needn't worry.
classmate M: um.... i'm just not comfortable with this kind of thing
me: you're not comfortable with donating your sperm? (oh, but why!)
classmate M: yes i'm not very comfortable with it

HAHA. i actually must say i was relieved that at least one of my friends would think twice before rushing to help spawn offspring. nevertheless, the entire thing was quite amusing to say the least! the only problem is that now i have them and quite a few others ready to kill me, so i'm guessing i'll be lying low for the next coupla weeks or so....