i'm reading this book entitled "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne at the moment, which basically claims that you can receive anything you want provided you think completely positively. so it follows that our thoughts determine our life experience, and that our successes are the result of positive thinking, believing, and receiving. likewise our failures are due to negativities in our outlooks, which by the 'law of attraction' draw similarly negative energies into our sphere of being.

while i am always skeptical about radical and 'life-changing' information, i do believe in the power of positive thought. but i believe that the process of positive thinking is really more like setting realistic goals.

first, you must set a goal that is positive ("I want to pass all my papers") rather than negative ("I don't want to fail any paper") because negative goals give you no direction to work towards. everything that is attainable should have a unique meaning, and not be defined merely as the absence/opposite of something else. once you set your goal, you must visualise it and believe in it. this gives you the motivation to act in a manner that will help you to acheive your goal, either on a conscious or subconscious level. for example when you want to drive in middle of the lane- instead of being preoccupied with looking down at the lane markers all the time, you focus on a straight path ahead, and use your eyes to guide your steering. our thoughts influence our behaviour, the same way mental and emotional input influence the brain's output to our physical effectors.

anyway i think that this whole business of how our thoughts make up who we are is certainly nothing new. from Descartes (cognito ergo sum) to Rousseau, Kant, and Hegel, there has always been an agreement that because humans are sentient beings, what defines us as individuals are our thoughts and our ability to act on them. on top of this, i like to also follow that our beliefs and values influence our thoughts, and that our values are ultimately subject to a certain innate moral compass that remains somewhat immutable regardless of social trends. which would make it even more attractive to accept Isaiah Berlin's idea of liberty- that we are only truly free when we are able to act in accordance with our thoughts and therefore values, either through negative restrictions which prevent us from acting in ways which defy our beliefs, or through positive empowerments which acheive the moral goal which we subconsciouly want for ourselves, even though it may not be apparent to us at the time.

furthermore i think that if you rationalise, you'd be able to attribute almost all your successes in life to some form of positivity, either in thought, belief or action. then again nobody can say for sure whether or not humans are rational creatures, or the circumstances which trigger us to act contrary to our reasoning. but anyway, i think that you can rationalise everything, and influence your perception on the outcome of any situation based on whether you want to look at it from a positive or negative light.

despite Nietzsche's various fatalistic and depressing arguments on life, i do believe that some of what he says holds true- that Meaning is infinitely interpretable, but there is a reality to which we are subject, of which we are—the reality whose meaning is infinitely interpretable. in a sense this is not proof for an anti-Christ existence, but can be affirmative to the belief in divine purpose. i personally feel that each of us exists to fulfil a certain purpose, and while we have freedom in the decisions which we make along the way, ultimately our actions are only [morally] permissible if they contribute towards this purpose.

as for whether or not God allows us to choose to and act in ways which run contrary to this purpose, i do not know. i often get confused about the extent to which we can determine our lives, and the extent to which they are out of our control. if God permits Free Will, does he also permit us to act in a way that takes us off from the path which was chosen for us? or is our path chosen for us based on our actions? or is there a sphere within which we are permitted to make and act on our decisions, beyond which we are subject to divine intervention?

sigh. i apologise for the randomness of today's post, and for the slew of disconnected thoughts. i'm just in a kinda angsty and righteous mood, and i don't think it is right that we can positively ask for success even if it is morally questionable. should we be able to wish for abundances of wealth, and be entitled to it only because we thought / prayed about it in the right manner? is God deaf to prayers that are phrased negatively? and do people bring illness and natural disasters upon themselves simply because they engaged in negative thoughts?

if so, there is something seriously wrong with this world.

wheee. despite all the drama in her life, i positively and most objectively believe that britney's new album is her BEST EVER. seriously. her songs are being streamed freely until the album releases, and EVERYONE (including her critics at People, Time, etc) agrees that her new cd is awesome. she's collaborated with the same people that brought us Toxic, brit's 2003 grammy-winning smash dance hit. blackout features similar futuristic-dance-pop blends, and omg the production ROCKS. all she needs to do now is team up with brian friedman again, and i guarantee her music vids will knock you out. apart from being really quite hot (when not bald), he's the guy that choreographed Toxic, I'm a Slave 4 U, Overprotected etc and her entire ONYX world tour. i love him. but i love brit more!

to me, britney represents the epitome of a successful artiste. she may not have great singing talents, but who cares, because she can definitely dance! and most of the time, she TOTALLY BRINGS IT when she performs. people tend to forget that where artistes are concerned, it's all about the show. plus she sells big time and is richer than any other popstar her age. oh, and she used to be a gymnast too! in fact, her bod was uber hot up until the part where she popped 2 kids out of it. so come on, we should cut her some slack!

and, despite how everyone constantly bitches about her lack of motherly instincts and abilities, and her penchant for Starbucks and other mundane routines in the face of aggressive custody battles, 'britney spears' is constantly the most popularly searched phrase on the web. and the paparazzi swarm her everywhere she goes, which is little wonder because a pic of her can fetch up to US$2 mil. i kid you not. imagine driving through a mob of 200 people who dont give a damn about their own lives, or trying to carry your kid around on heels while 100 cameras are focused on you, waiting to get a shot of your poor traumatised son crying or nearly falling because his bad mom can't balance when so many people are pushing her. check this out if you don't believe me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNPk09-5Z9E

also, those who judge her are just self-righteous. if you were in her position, i think that the things she does would suddenly become not as unimagineable as everyone makes them out to be. she might smoke and have done drugs at some point, but it's not as if your average american teen doesn't do any of that. and the majority of her problems are not due to any of these; men have been screwing with her life ever since she became famous, and her nervous breakdown was obviously due to kevin federline's betrayal and the pressure of being in the public eye 24/7. seriously, kevin and his damn manpris can go to hell. he openly smokes around his kids, bums around, and generally lives off britney's money because he himself is a failure in life. and you have got to be MAD if you can look at his face and tell me he's not the one who's high. britney sacrificed the prime years of her multi-million dollar career to stay home, personally clean the house and care for her kids while they were babies. that's more than most mothers do. and people are nominating k-fed for parent of the year??? please.

apart from the 4 consecutive albums that debuted at no#1 across the world, it's also hard to ignore the fact that gimme more has topped the Billboard and itunes downloads. and all this despite her giving her most uninspired performance ever at the VMAs. yup, only brit can take 'negative' publicity and shove it in her critics' face. if that's not success, i don't know what is :D

JUST 5 MORE DAYS!

BRITNEY!!!!

omg i'm so excited!

and i'm thinking of getting an exercise bike. i totally need to start getting fit, before my stamina becomes zero. and jogging is out of the question because i'm just too lazy.

which is why i need to get a bike. preferably, i want something small and foldable, which i can put in front of the tv in the attic. something that allows me to exercise in front of the tv, yes, that is the no.1 criteria.



The Solution To All My Problems

over the weekend, i have been afflicted with a pinpoint, blanching rash under the skin of my palms, ankles, and soles of my feet. the rash on my ankles kinda sticks out like a colony of little red bumps of shit, very gross. but the worst part is the itch on my palms and feet =x anyone who has ever had a rash there will understand the agony of trying to scratch hard skin. it offers almost no relief whatsoever. at least this seems to be consistent with an anaphylactic reaction to a mosquito / flea / tick (EW) bite. nonfebrle urticaria, but no generalised itching? or maybe it could be a late symptom of dengue, which would be possible if i was running a high fever a few days ago and not noticed it. but i had all the symptoms of dengue during the may hols, so i suspect i already have the antibodies for it. maybe i'm going to have dengue haemorrhagic shock!! omg, seriously, i need to know what this rash is about =x

actually, my main concern is that it might be infectious and spread to other parts of my body through contact. more specifically, i am afraid of rash on my face, because that might leave a scar. hmm, it seems that there is always some kind of superficial excuse behind all my paranoia :D

i need to channel the prowess of House, MD. or maybe just hugh laurie and that amazingly sexy accent of his. haha, i did NOT just say that!

bimbo, out!
xOxOxOxOxOXXoOoXoxO

it appears that my blog has been hijacked by a virus which makes 'click, click' noises and randomly opens pop-up windows. i don't know about you, but this is of great irritation to me. i'm too busy to scan through the code for anything, but if i can't fix it eventually i think i'll just change this address altogether. the fact that this is my third blog seems like the lamest excuse for calling this whole site 'the-third', although it certainly didn't feel so at the time when i was proudly announcing my progress from 'the second' and 'the first'. yes, age definitely confers wisdom.

the rest of the week has been relatively boring and incredibly tiring. i watched a movie with mark on tuesday night, and when i got back i was pooped. i feel like no longer have youth in my bones, nor exuberance in my spirit. i'm ageing prematurely! omg. i think i need to start taking glucosamine and, like, vitamin C daily.

i've also been having a spat of bad luck with the weather recently. on monday night i was driving to school for a medsoc meeting, and right after i exited the tunnel at the AYE, it started pouring. nevermind that it rained so heavily that i could only see 2 cars ahead even with the wipers at full force, the worst thing was that i was wearing my under-powered red specs, which are way off as far as my astigmatism is concerned. it's ok under normal circumstances, but when it storms at night there are so many lights and raindrops flying everywhere on the road, that everything becomes one big fat blurry mesh of things. for me at least, haha. i could barely see ANYTHING when i was changing lanes. seriously, i prayed like i have never prayed before. and thankfully, i arrived in one piece, albeit not without being traumatised so much that my naturally cold, clammy, and cyanotic hands were hot and bright pink with life.

and today, i drove into a mud spill on dunearn road. have you ever heard of a MUD SPILL ON DUNEARN ROAD??? neither did i man. i was wondering why there such a bigass jam right from 6th avenue, but there was no warning, nothing. then suddenly i saw everyone cutting out from my lane, because up ahead was this damn EMAS recovery vehicle sprawled across 2 lanes, sucking up loads of brown shit from the road. it looked suspiciously like sewerage, sewerage which i drove the car straight through. freak. it was disgusting!

anyway, i'm off now to watch a few more episodes of House before i call it a day. i have SO MUCH work piled up for the weekend, and i have this sinking feeling that the notes at the bottom of that pile will truly never see the light of day. oh my poor neglected cofm notes! will i ever become a doctor with Compassion and Cultural Understanding???? what if i never know "When Yes Means No"??? how tragic indeed.

I JUST HAD THE WEIRDEST DREAM EVER AND I'M LIKE SO FREAKED OUT!

i dreamt that i woke up in a hospital room and my mom told me that i just had twins. TWINS, as in BABIES. and not just ONE baby, but TWO!!!! OMGGGGG, what a nightmare. it's unclear if i like gave birth to them or i adopted them, but i remember checking to see if there was tenderness where my c-section scar should have been, and there was none. did the dream me actually NATURALLY birth TWO BABIES???? no way. either that or i must have been on a badass epidural that knocked me clean out.

anyway, then someone took me to the nursery and i went in to take out my babies (cos i was like a doc in the obs ward already or something) and, to my horror, one was a white baby and the other was a black baby. at which point i totally freaked out, and started saying things like 'why must this happen to me?? i've NEVER been with an indian in my life!!!!' not that there is anything wrong with indians btw.

the next thing i knew, i was rolling the babies' cots back to my room, whereupon i noticed that the babies were so tiny! and they were connected to some kinda ventilator, which was like a tube and an airbag that spontaneously inflated and deflated itself. like auto intubation! WTF???

so when i reached my room, i suddenly decided that i wanted to remove the tubes from them to see if they could breathe by themselves. which i did. and then i went back to sleep. and when i next awoke, apparently my mom had transferred them to a bigger playpen like thing, and they were (literally) bouncing up and down and juggling rubber balls and solving rubic's cubes. and the indian baby had grown a moustache and a beard.

HOW FREAKY IS THAT????????????????

i'm trying to decipher how the hell i came up with such a dream, and can think of a few things:

yesterday i was thinking of 'adopting' a kid, for one of those third world country child sponsorship programmes where you donate money every month for the child's daily expenses and school. i was planning on getting a kid from the Dominican Republic because her photo was really adorable, and my sis called me a racist for choosing her over the ethiopian and bangladeshi kids. which is why i dreamt about having a black baby i guess, as retribution. but i'm not racist! really i'm not! anyone who knows me will tell you that!

and then i guess the other portions of my dream were from me bitching today about angelina jolie's Adopt Africa campaign, the discussion on C-section rates during cofm tut, and my inability to solve the last side of this damn rubic's cube. seriously, it's like just sitting on my desk now in front of me and laughing at me. EVEN MY FICTIONAL BABY IS LAUGHING AT ME! shit! am i such a loser??????