The Loser's Emotional Guide To Attempting Microbiology Questions:

If you can answer 0 questions:
Fuck. I've deprived myself of a social life for the past few weeks, and now I still know shit about shit. I really should kill myself.

If you can answer 1 question, and the other options look hazy:
Omg, I KNOW I totally wasted my time on those damn tables. They probably don't even have half the shit I need to know. Or maybe I just need to go and revise them another 5 million times. Or maybe I'm just too stupid. I need to get back to my sidereel!

If you can answer 2 questions:
I actually managed to squeeze 2 answers out from my friggin overloaded brain, and now I am officially a mediocre student! This sucks! Hmm, maybe I should just screw the negative marking and attempt the rest of the questions...

If you can answer 3 questions:
YEAH BABY, I'm going to pass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you can answer 3 questions and the rest look familiar:
I MUST NOT BE GREEDY! I must resist the temptation to fill in rest, because it will take my sorryass borderline pass to a possible 1/5, or 0/5, and then, I might as well have just re-watched that last season of Greys.

If you can answer 4 questions:
I even know the obscure little funny pieces of shit info that aren't even from the notes! I must be pyschic!!! Or a complete freak!

If you THINK you can answer all 5 questions:
This is unbelievable!!! In fact, this is just too good to be true! IT'S TIME TO SECOND GUESS MYSELF AND ERASE ALL THE ANSWERS WHICH ARE PROBABLY RIGHT BUT I NOW THINK MAY BE WRONG!


That's right my friends, we can never win at this. MicroB is just like the worst fucking subject ever.

Much love for tomorrow's paper! :D